How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams/i want him back

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QUESTION: hello!

i knew someone in the internet one month ago, and he was nice with me , but he misunderstands things i say, cause he thinks always he's honest with me, sometimes i only want to joke, but he misunderstands, he always tells me sweet words and complements, but if i ask him about if he really loves me or to proove his love, he gets angry, and he thinks that am not trusting him, cause he thinks himself that he's always honest, or if i joke with him for example if he went to chat with other girls , he'll quickly get angry and like " ah you desperated me by these words and you cut me in two pieces ...."

anyways , last time we felt in arguments, just because my sister had heard him telling me that he loves me and she  said that who really loves, never says it, but he prooves it..he got angry , and started his arguments for 2hours abt why i don't trust him and that not all ppl are the same ...

i was calming him all night abt not to worry and stress himself out, and i felt guilty abt what my sister said, and he answered that i am never the one who messes things up , but my sis...and even if we don't continue together, he will always remeber the good side of me..and i was like" why you said we don't continue together, and you 're talking bout separation"....he was like
" as destiny came by ourside, it can separate us"
and i was like "hmm!! it's good that you warned that any time you can leave, so i can make myself ready for that"

he started to make a good issue abt that and he said " i gave all my time my time just for you and i don't even stay alot with my family , just to satay with you"..he hung off on my face and said

good luck

now he comes online without talking to me neither


what can i do?  plz i need help from you expert!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANSWER: Hi Linda,

I will use italics for your words and bold my response:

i knew someone in the internet one month ago, and he was nice with me , but he misunderstands things i say, cause he thinks always he's honest with me, sometimes i only want to joke, but he misunderstands

My husband is sarcastic for humor and even after 40 yrs. I have trouble telling when he's serious or not - and that's in person. It's harder on the internet.

he always tells me sweet words and complements, but if i ask him about if he really loves me or to proove his love, he gets angry

Do you really believe that someone you only know over the internet can truly love you in a sincere way? How can he prove he really loves you?

he thinks that am not trusting him, cause he thinks himself that he's always honest

How do you feel when you're not trusted - like someone say they think you're not being honest? Maybe you don't feel angry, but I do.

if i joke with him for example if he went to chat with other girls , he'll quickly get angry and like " ah you desperated me by these words and you cut me in two pieces ...."

Do you think he might feel like your joking is not really joking? Often jokes have some truth in them.

anyways , last time we felt in arguments, just because my sister had heard him telling me that he loves me and she  said that who really loves, never says it, but he prooves it

I'm not sure what this means. She "heard him"? So you do see him in person? It's not just an internet relationship? If so, that's good; you can have a good relationship online but it's not the same as an in-person relationship. Why do you think what your sister says is true? I still don't know how he can prove it.

..he got angry , and started his arguments for 2hours abt why i don't trust him and that not all ppl are the same ...

Are all people the same? Don't you think he's right about that?

i was calming him all night abt not to worry and stress himself out, and i felt guilty abt what my sister said, and he answered that i am never the one who messes things up , but my sis...and even if we don't continue together, he will always remeber the good side of me..and i was like" why you said we don't continue together, and you 're talking bout separation"....he was like" as destiny came by ourside, it can separate us" and i was like "hmm!! it's good that you warned that any time you can leave, so i can make myself ready for that"

Those words didn't seem to me like they meant he was warning you he could leave. It seemed that those words meant that you were destined to meet and have this time together and he'll always remember this time together whether or not you can stay together. Breaking up happens; he didn't say he wanted it to happen. It sounds like he was speculating that since things weren't going well - you weren't trusting him and wanted some kind of impossible proof, that it was possible it could happen. I think he sounds wise.

he started to make a good issue abt that and he said " i gave all my time my time just for you and i don't even stay alot with my family , just to satay with you"..he hung off on my face and said

good luck

now he comes online without talking to me neither

If you didn't tell him that you didn't want to break up and that you didn't think that was your destiny, then he probably thought you wanted to break up.


what can i do?

Have you talked to him? Why is it wrong for him not to talk to you online and it's OK to not talk to him online? Today we want women to be more equal to men, so why should the expectation be different in a relationship? Should you behave the way that you'd like him to behave toward you? If it was reversed and he did and said to you what you did and said to him and you did and said to him what he did and said to you, what would you want him to do now so that you could get him back? Does he know you want him back? Have you said anything nice to him?

Don't try to make up to him in a public forum - use private messaging. Your sister or anyone else shouldn't know what you two say personally to each other. After you've made up privately and clearly decided to either be boyfriend and girlfriend or "in a relationship" officially or privately or just to be friends, then you can talk about not-so-personal things in the public forum and where your sister can hear you.

You don't need to believe or do everything your sister says. Your relationship with your sister is important, but don't let your desire for a relationship with a man interfere with it. Talk it out or tell her it's your business or that you'll consider her advice but you have to decide about your relationships for yourself.

Ask questions. Be clear. When you joke, use a smile or laugh emoticon to make it clear as would be seen on your face if you were in person. That's why there are emoticons. :D

The only way you can "prove love" is to trust each other and behave in a trustworthy way, show caring, and be consistent to each other - it's two-way.

I wish you all the best with this and future relationships if this one doesn't work out. There are plenty of guys; if it doesn't work out with him, you will find someone who's right for you.

Rhapsody

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: hello i knew my boy friend about a mouth ago in the internet the first day i asked him to talk in microphone he told that it is not working but he will bring one next time and he told me don't worry i am not deaf and muet so in the evening he get outside and called on my phone and we spoke for 10mn since that time we just putting cam and wright to each other every time i asked him a microphone  he told  me that he dislike when people asked him doing things he just like do it by his own when he want not when i asked and when i insist to him he get upset and accuse me that don't trust him sometimes i say maby he is just shy i am really confused i feel there's a secret in him i have to know it i don't know how i can make him talk to me on microphone i need your help dear expert

yours linda

Answer
Linda,

I agree that he may have a secret. Many men (and also some women) are more private and don't like to let themselves be known. Apparently, insisting won't work. He did talk to you on the microphone, though, even when apparently he didn't really want to. If you want to get to know him better, I think you've been successful in talking with him so you eventually can get him to tell you more. You can ask him about him family, maybe by starting with his history: where was he born?, where did he go to school?, did you play sports? When he seems to be talking to you more comfortably about personal things and things he has done with people, you can mention nicely that he has done things with people before.

Does he live near you? Maybe he doesn't. It seems you're saying you want to do something with you, like meeting him in person. You can mention to him that he has to eat so why wouldn't he want to have a meal with you and meet you at a restaurant (you should always meet a guy that you only know from the internet in a public place where there are a lot of people).

If you have a problem with a man who is secretive or doesn't do something for you, then I think this is not the man for you. There are many men out there.

I wish you the best in your dating efforts.

Rhapsody

How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams

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Rhapsody Love

Expertise

Looking for a lifelong, loving relationship? I`ve been with the same partner for 30+ years and we're in love now more than ever. It's not just a coincidence. I've worked at it and the first part was to find the right man for me. I hope I can help you do the same. I've been answering questions online for over a decade & my ratings show that people like my advice. I've also helped people in person and in other ways online.

Experience

My own marriage has worked out great, though it has taken work, I've learned a lot and continue to learn. I realize, though, that everyone is different and so is each relationship. I enjoy continuing to learn from others. I know many couples - some who have made poor partner decisions and others who've maintained a lifelong relationship of love. I've also read a lot about this subject.

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I am educated as a teacher and primarily work with young people, many who are already attracted to the opposite sex at a young age, but their families often are poor role-models for having a life-long relationship (like mine were, but I succeeded any way).

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