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How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams/How can I get him to ask me out?

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I'm a 27 year old woman... I have had this weird thing going with a personal trainer at my gym... He is gorgeous and looks the same age as me.. Sometimes I accidentally look his way and when I do he is staring at me... But then when I have to walk past him I blush and look the other way.

I don't want him to think I'm creepy so I try not to look at him anymore.

The other day I was shopping in the mall with a friend and I saw him there. First time I ever seen him out of the gym... He saw me too cos he was walking towards/facing me but then turned to go down the escalator... I would have thought he'd take a second glance or something... But no... He just looked at me in the eyes n then looked down at his phone like he couldn't care less... And if he liked me would he blush or fidget?

Everyone says, "if he liked u he would have come up and spoken to u when he saw u at the mall."
But I think that idea is stupid! We have never officially met so he would prob feel like an idiot approaching me... Wouldn't he?

Is that my answer then? He couldn't care less?
We've never had reason to strike up convo... As whenever I see him he is working with a client or he greets me politely as I walk into the gym... He can prob See I'm a bit standoffish too because I'm shy/nervous around him...



So my question is... Do u think he is attracted to me and just waiting or hoping for an opportunity to talk to me (like I am)... For all i know he could be thinking, "why should I bother? If she was interested in me she would book a PT session to try and get to know me."

Or is he just plain uninterested? Everyone on here says he is uninterested but y would he keep looking?
But then yesterday I walked into the gym and he was at the reception and let me in. He gave me a very friendly smile with eye contact and hello ... I dunno maybe he was just doing his job...

Am I stupid? Am I just another woman at the gym to him?

Answer
Hello Charli!

Unfortunately, you can't use these individual signals as a clear indication of intention, interest or attraction - or the lack thereof. People have very complicated systems built in and tons of reasons why they do what they do or even say what they say.

I could speculate all day long about the 1001 possible reasons why this happened at the mall (for example) but I'm not going to do that. Let's talk practical action instead.

You (like many women) probably give him too much credit. Charli, you'd be surprised - maybe shocked - at how many people I talk to every day that have absolutely no idea how to approach someone they're interested in. It doesn't matter what they do for a living, how they look, how much they make, how good they are at what they do, etc. There's just a huge lack of knowledge when it comes to approaching someone! This guy is very likely in the same boat.

To be honest, it's very difficult for him to approach you at the gym. He's there working - not flirting. Of course, if he were sophisticated (or one of my students!?) he could use networking at the gym under the auspices of "marketing" to approach someone but again, don't give him that much credit. Few people think about this.

Here's one more important part of this puzzle: while I don't know if he's interested or attracted to you, it doesn't matter. You can CREATE interest and (then) attraction in anyone! You don't have to be "just another woman" at all.

Why not use the fact that you saw him at the mall as an opening? Just mention to him that you saw him there and that he must be a very smart shopper because he was checking his phone - likely for pricing information. You can use that or anything else equally good or bad to just break the ice. The point isn't to corral him, it's just to engage him so that you can begin working your magic on him to build rapport and connection.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
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Remington Publications
818.334.8826
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Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”

How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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Literally, any question related to finding and meeting the man of your dreams. I am the top-rated expert in "General Dating Questions", "How to Attract the Man/Woman of your Dreams" and "Places to Meet People". In fact, over the past few years, I've answered over 32,000 letters from readers, have written over 700 articles, written numerous books, recorded CD's and DVD's, done hundreds of radio and tv shows and have millions of readers all over the world. If your question is particularly sensitive you can also write to me privately and securely at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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I've written many books on every aspect of dating, sex and relationships. My new book, "How Women Can Approach Men" is already quickly becoming one of our best-sellers! Women have many tools at their disposal and shouldn't have to wait for "Mr. Right" to come along! After reading some of the advice the women in this section are getting from other women, I think it's a good idea to offer a man's perspective.

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Numerous boards and commissions, civic organizations, etc.

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Thousands of websites, magazines, radio and TV.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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