How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams/What does he want?
We met online and he travels for work in Dallas. The only time I can see him is when he's here for work,
3 days a week. I understand that we don't do a lot of activities together because it's usually 7pm at night when I see him. He's perfect, he has a great body, I'm very attracted to him and he's decent, meaning he's not the type that would date other women while he's dating me. We both deleted out dating account after we spent out on 2 or 3 dates. It's been 2 months and I've been noticing tension in our relationship because i was patient with him to open up to me, but he wouldn't. He wouldn't go into details me about his friends or family or interesting things, you know... like things you talk about with your friends. I tried to play wih him,Joke around and be funny. But he pushed me away and said im weird. I started To appear sad and whiny in front of him and he does not take it very well. He just ignores me doesn't try to comfort me it say sweet things, wait, he never sweet talks! He doesnt show a lot of intimacy and I don't know if he's uncomfortable around me or what?!
He once told me that he doesn't want to go too deep because he doesn't want to live in Dallas. One day he couldn't take my frowny face anymore and told me I'm not what he's looking for in his life right now and doesn't want to lead me on. I was disappointed for a short while but overall I was doing fine. A couple weeks later he sent me a text and said he misses me. I burst out anger and was telling him all the things he did wrong, and I was crying because I was just so angry that he pushed me away and now he's pulling me back in.
I would like to know how I can make him feel more comfortable around me and get him to open up more because he's not being intimate at all. I want him to know me for who I am, not just some girl he met online who sleeps in his hotel room.
Thank you so much for your question. From what you have shared with me, you present yourself to be a very loving and giving person. I will answer your question as best I can with the information that I have available to me...
It sounds like things were going really well until things started to get more and more real. It sounds like as you tried to get to know him more, he pulled away from you. You also mentioned that he broke things off with you and then texted you telling you that he missed you. In short, it sounds like you have been dealing with some mixed signals.
To move forward, you get to be really centered in where you are right now. What are the reasons you joined the dating website? Was it to meet someone attractive and interesting with whom you could possibly share your life?
See, whenever we move toward something that we really want, a lot of our old patterns can kind of kick in. Have you experienced this type of pattern with men before? Also, it sounds like his fears around being intimate came up for him as well! The key to dealing with this is to deal with it in a different type of way than we did before.
Judging from what you have shared with me, it sounded like you became "sad and whiny" when you were dealing with his lack of emotional availability with you and that you did this from a place of frustration. (This is completely understandable!) Instead of comforting you in the way that you would comfort someone who was "sad and weepy," he dealt with it through pushing you away. This created more frustration on your end that sort of erupted when he ended things with you and then later texted you telling you that he missed you.
Right now, know that his reaction to you is simply his reaction. It sounds like you have a lot of empathy in how you relate with people. This does not sound like area that is his specialty! When moving forward with him, it is recommended that you stay centered and focused in the type of relationship that you would like to have with him. In this message, you mentioned that you "are not just some girl he met online who sleeps in his hotel room." From this, I take it to mean that you wish to go beyond a sexual relationship with him and that you would like to create a connected, committed, and loving relationship with him. Know that you deserve to have the type of relationship that you want. Also know that you are your own best advocate in creating this.
In your message, you asked how you can help him "feel more comfortable around [you] and open up." If you want for him to be open, you get to be open. This means that you get to be honest about what you want in a relationship. Instead of getting angry or resentful of him, you can tell him---in your own words---that you are frustrated because you thought that everything was going great with him and that you followed your natural inclination to get to know him better.
Now before we get to the next part, let's address how your reaction to him is simply your reaction. It is totally understandable that you became frustrated when he did not open up to you. You tried being kind and playful with him and he continued to stay closed off and even told you that you were weird. This can be very hurtful, because it can be taken as a rejection. It is important for you to right now to celebrate yourself for having such a kind heart. So many people do not want to open up to one another. This is a beautiful part of your personality!
But know that he did not reject you. Instead, he is scared to connect. Each of us has something that we are afraid of. Many people are afraid of love and relationships. If you want him to be honest and open with you, then you get to be honest and open with him.
He might feel very uncomfortable and it might feel uncomfortable for you. But this type of feeling uncomfortable is great because it can move you closer to your goal of having what you want in a relationship.
When you speak with him, take complete ownership over all of your feelings. And in this conversation, ask for what you want. Ask him for what he wants. Talk to him about his reasons for missing you. Then, see if you two can come to an agreement to move forward.
Thank you again for your question, Missy! Best of luck to you!
PS On my website, there is a free offering that I think would really support you in creating the relationship that you want. Please check it out: www.beelovingbeewise.com.