How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams/how to keep a man

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Question
Hello doctor

I ama 43 years woman and i amnot attractive, I amobese , I smell funny, I have hyperhydrosis and a sagging belly,plus I am very shy. I just feel like " why bother?" I am fat already so why  even try to attract a man, they will leave me anyway. well my problem is, I live in Africa and I have my young sisters and my two nieces who are in their 20's who spend their free time "stealing" my boyfriend or any man i am interested in.  They send their people to threatened me if I dare to say something. I finally met someone who seemes like he accepted me the way I was but now he is with those girls and he beat me twice. I live in Africa wherethe police is corrupted and I cannot press charges aginast them because they slept with police officers. What can I do to find love in such an atmosphere?  I had a c-section and My sagging belly isreally depressing me;i feel so inferior and I am very shy and very sensitive. Can you help me in that situation?

Answer
Hello Patricia!

You have quite the self-fulfilling cycle going on there! You're fat because you don't care and you don't care because you're fat. Since you don't care, you don't exercise or take care of yourself which not only keeps you fat it also limits your motivation.

That's some cycle!

There's a lot being made today of "beautiful at any size" - a cruel and ridiculous marketing campaign that many women are falling into. I'm sorry to tell you, it simply isn't true. It's one thing to be a healthy size, it's entirely another to be obese. These companies (and sadly even many experts) actually take advantage of some women's ignorance, naivety and compelling, corrupting desire to believe and the net result is that; you're simply not going to change culture - no matter how hard you believe.

The fact is; women's dating/relationship "currency" (your perceived value) is your health and vitality. You say you're not "attractive", but I'll bet you would be with a little effort. Every woman CAN BE beautiful if she just learns how. I personally have never met a truly ugly woman. That doesn't mean that women can't BE ugly if they choose and many (unfortunately) do.

That's where you are right now. You're choosing to be ugly and I think that's tragic.

It's not that being skinny is the answer either. As I said, it's about health and vitality. You can't look (or less likely, BE) either of these if you're obese.

Here's a little secret most women don't know about men: we're not all about how you look. The problem you face however is that your looks are the key to the door. Very few men are going to approach you if you don't offer some perceived value. Once they DO approach however, it takes far more than a toned tummy and perky breasts to keep him. That's where your skills come in.

An important point to make here is that everything we're talking about are things you are in complete control of! You don't have to be obese - that's a (poor) choice. You don't have to lack good, solid relationship skills - that's another choice.

You don't have to be "ugly" either! Take a look at these pictures of porn stars with and without makeup:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/33-startling-photos-of-pornstars-with-and-

You'll notice one thing right off the bat: most of these girls are rather "average" (some even homely!) without all the help. They use what they have and augment what they don't. You can do exactly that too!

In other words, you can fix all these problems! You aren't stuck (or even defined) by your current "look" you have complete control over most of it.

Consider too just how important your skills are. A man isn't going to fall in love with you because you're good in bed, but trust me, if you are, you'll keep him around long enough to work your magic on him. No man who's sexually drained is ever out looking for a better deal. No man who is getting everything he wants and needs at home is out looking either. That is 100% based on your skills as a lover and partner.

So, the bottom line is this: stop setting yourself up to fail! It's time to get to work on yourself and start being someone who can compete (and win!) against younger, thinner women! You have the advantage of experience. All you need now is the effort to match it and you're completely back in the game.

Don't give up. Get angry and CHANGE things.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Expertise

Literally, any question related to finding and meeting the man of your dreams. I am the top-rated expert in "General Dating Questions", "How to Attract the Man/Woman of your Dreams" and "Places to Meet People". In fact, over the past few years, I've answered over 32,000 letters from readers, have written over 700 articles, written numerous books, recorded CD's and DVD's, done hundreds of radio and tv shows and have millions of readers all over the world. If your question is particularly sensitive you can also write to me privately and securely at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

Experience

I've written many books on every aspect of dating, sex and relationships. My new book, "How Women Can Approach Men" is already quickly becoming one of our best-sellers! Women have many tools at their disposal and shouldn't have to wait for "Mr. Right" to come along! After reading some of the advice the women in this section are getting from other women, I think it's a good idea to offer a man's perspective.

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Numerous boards and commissions, civic organizations, etc.

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Thousands of websites, magazines, radio and TV.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

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