Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 1/7/2007

Question
There is a guy I knew a few years ago, that I haven't seen for awhile and no one I know, knows him. I am not sure if he is dating anyone, but would love to call him and ask him out? Is this appropriate or should I just not do anything.

Answer
Dear Katie,

How respectfully you write.

As a general rule, I don't recommend asking men out.  However, you are in a quandary here.  How has this strategy worked for you in the past?

There are always more than two alternatives to anything.  It doesn't have to be ask him out, or nothing.  Get creative!

Is there some way you could call him and just touch base.  Hooking into something from the past, such as (just an example) - "I just heard Rachmaninov's Second on the radio and it reminded me of you.  How on earth have you been?" Then take it from there.  You can tell a lot by his tone of voice, but ... men are slow on the uptake, and it may shock him, so just go with this first phone call.   

Limit the phone call, no matter what, to 10 minutes.  Just say, "Oops, there's the doorbell, gotta go!"  He'll know your number from caller ID, he'll know how to reach you.  He can proceed according to his style and desires.  

It is never great calling men because they do a lot better when they are in the mood to call you.  Just the way it goes.  They aren't greased for conversation any time anywhere like we women are.  They need to warm up to it and be ready.  So don't worry too much as long as he's calling.  

That's what I would do.  A nudge.  Another nudge.  See what gets stirred up.

I'm not saying don't ask him out, but no, I don't recommend it.  Works better to get the AC/DC going in the right direction.

Good luck!  I hope it works out.
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc