Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 11/13/2007

Question
QUESTION: I'm 14 and i like this guy a lot, he's 13 but theres only 6 months or so difference. I've known him since June/July and we've gotten close then drifted apart over time. Every Friday all my mates go to a ice rink disco, he was their and we we're getting along really well and talking a lot, that night i spoke to him online, he seemed to like me more than usual, i was delighted and was just as eager but now i think i should have backed off a little, to keep him interested a bit, I'll see him again on Friday what can i do to make him like me, what should i wear, say and do? Help please.

ANSWER: Dear Jenna,
Sounds like fun.  Who contacted who online ... best to let him begin things.
Well when you go Friday night try and relax and be your best self.  Bring your smile.  Of course you'll want to look your best, but that doesn't mean anything outrageous looking.  There's nothing you can do to make him like you except to be yourself, be friendly, not too pushy, and try and enjoy his company.  Don't let your nerves get to you!  Breathe deeply.
Have fun and let me know how it goes!

All the best
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks Susan, you've helped calm my nerves. He contacted me originally, I'd been close with one of his best mates and now many of his mates are mine. When he first contacted me he was asking why I'd never spoke to him yet had the courage to speak to his mate, it made me like him even more. Now I'm starting to really really like him. Everyone wheres shorts or skirts to the rink, i know it's stupid asking you what to wear but I'm really nervous about Friday, would shorts and a pink top which says, 'You Sexy Thing' be okay? I was thinking the top might be a good conversation starter.

Thanks a lot Susan.
(:

ANSWER: Hi Jenna,
I don't blame you at all for asking, I'm glad you did.  I would not wear that - it's not ladylike!  Wear your best color on the top ... pink would be fine but why bring up something like that, you know.  Wear just a plain top.  Something you've gotten compliments on in the past.  Red's always a good color too.  But they say that men respond most to the color of light blue.  Don't ask me why - but they like it a lot!!

Most of all wear something you feel COMFORTABLE in, so you won't have to worry about that on top of everything else.  you want to be as relaxed as you can, under the circumstances, and just be friendly.  Clearly he likes you.  Guys like to take the lead, and he probably will.  You don't need a conversation starter like that.  You'll do fine.  

Good luck!
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I've got a plain light blue top i could wear with a belt and bangles? He's quite shy, i don't usually like guys like this so i don't know how to act around him. I'm just scared of awkward silences, do you have any conversation starters which could help me? We support the same football team, I've got a season ticket to. We also have the same group of friends.

Thanks again Susan.

Answer
Sounds nice.

Learning to 'make' conversation is something that will serve you well throughout your life.  Good thinking.  If he's shy, there may be silences, but they needn't be awkward.  Avoid giving in to just jabbering because of your nerves.  There's nothing wrong with a slow conversation, with pauses.  You know that females utter exponentially more words in a day than males do.

Good topics of conversation are:  things right in front of you and things that you have in common.  Now I don't know the two of you, and your world, but let me give you an example.  If you and I met here in my hometown in Dallas, Texas, say in the shopping center Southlake where I know teenagers congregate, these are things I would have in mind to talk about.  And these work for men as well as women, any age, and any time.  Ask open-ended questions to keep a conversation going.  In other words, not, "Do you like Dallas?" but "What did you notice that's different about Dallas?"  That forces the person to speak, to think a bit.  There are those decorated cow statues all over SOuthlake - I'd ask you if you saw them and what you thought about them.  If you're a good conversationlist, you'd say, "Yes!  They're neat. Did you see the one..." and then you would go on and talk for a while.  Things right in front of you at a skating rink might be: someone just fell, are they OK?  What do you think about that outfit?  The weather.  New decorations.  Anything about sports or school.  New teacher.  Hard class.  Rotten schedule.  Parents and family.  Holiday plans.  New rules at school.  Movies.  Books.  MUSIC.  What group or singer does he like?  News about friends (avoid catty gossip).

So ... to start those conversations, it's easy.  Things like, "Have you seen MOVIE X?"  If he says no, tell him why he should see it, why you liked it; or why he should avoid it, why you didn't like it.  If he's seen it talk about a scene, or the stars.  

Movie star news.  I'm not into that, but you may be!  Same questions - Did you hear X and X broke up?"  

Music - new album, new release. Best drummer, best singer.  

Men generally like to talk about themselves.  What coureses is he taking?  Does he want to go to college.  what's he thinking about doing for work?

Expect that if he's a guy, and if he's shy, he won't say a whole lot, so slow it don't, and don't let it upset you.  Kind of get into his rhythm of things.  Silences can be OK.  

Oh, and don't forget "how" questions.  How did he do blah blah.  Gives him a chance to show off what he knows.  

You'll do fine.  One trick is to focus on making HIM comfortable, not YOU.  Then you'll handle your nerves better.
Good luck!
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc