Expert: Azure - 6/19/2005

Question
I am a 35 year old straight female and I have become very attracted to a gay man. I think about him every second of every day.  No matter what I do I can not stop thinking about him.  I met him while he was visiting my home town and his parents came for the weekend and I had the privilage of meeting them while they were here, both his mother and father fell in love with me even knowing their son is gay they suggested to him that he should date me.  He calls me on a regular basis and emails me every night.  He always ends his letters with "love you and miss you" it drives me crazy.  Now he is talking about wanting to go on a gettaway to Vegas with me next month.  But he is also very open about his lifestyle almost like he wants me to be reminded that he is gay.  I did tell him how I felt about him and his response was that if he wasnt gay he would most definatly marry me in a heart beat.  I know he has never been with a female he is all for the gay thing.  He is in the music industry in LA so it is very much a part of his life. How do I handle my feelings? do men like him ever change? and is it common for them to be this close to a female if they are truley gay?
Please help me understand this lifestyle.

Thank you

Tab

Answer
he's not changing; that means, unless you want to live a life of quiet desperation, your emotions have to; "thinking about him every second" is not the place you want to be; your only choice, other than remaining a victim to this addiction, is to lower your expectations to zero, accept the reality of your futility, and bring your emotions to a point of neutrality; only then could the possibility of a no risk friendship have a chance; understand that, considering your involvement, this might mean NO contact, possibly counseling, until you can free yourself from your feelings about him, and make the necessary adjustments, including a new focus on meeting/dating more available men..don't waste any more precious time thinking any "conversion" is forthcoming..