Expert: Tracey Steinberg - 9/27/2007

Question
Hi Tracey!

I'm 20, in college, and have very strong feelings for a friend of mine, also 20. I've had a crush on him since we first met two years ago, but I was always way too shy to admit it to him.  For the past five weeks or so that we've been back in school, things took an unexpected turn. First, he turned up at a play I was in, and text messaged me later saying I was a brilliant actress.  Then, the next day, he called me and asked me if I wanted to have coffee with him. I accepted gladly, and we had a really great time laughing and getting to know each other. Four days later, he called and asked me to dinner. Again, we had a really great time, and he complimented me on the way I looked, smelled (I never leave the house without perfume on) etc. He even made a comment about keeping good company, and looked at me and smiled. For our next meeting, we went to a French cafe, where he told me about a tradition- every time we take a sip of our drinks, we're supposed to look into each other's eyes, or else it's bad luck. He kept looking after he took his sip. Two days later, he called me and was worried about me. My status on facebook said I was heartbroken because I found out one of my students is terminally ill. He asked if it was because of an unrequited crush, and he said that's good when I said no. Since then, he hasn't called me, text messaged me, or asked me to do anything with him. I know he's probably just busy, but I'm still a little bit worried. Please, I really want to have a relationship with him, but I don't know where I should go from here- any advice on how I can fix this?

Thank you so much in advance for any advice you can give me. :)

Answer
Karen,

It sounds to me that this friend is very special to you and you want to have a relationship with him.  I couldn't tell by your question how long it had been since he contacted you.  But, i could tell that the amount of time worried you.  

If you were to remove him from your mind, what are the qualities in a man that you most value? Does this man have them? Is pursuing you on your list of most important qualities? Why or Why not?  

If he has the qualities in a man man that you are looking for, what is the first step towards having a relationship with him? do you feel comfortable talking to him about it? If so, what would you communicate to him?

You have a lot of questions to ask yourself and I hope this all works out for you.  i will keep my fingers crossed, Life Coach Tracey