Expert: Azure - 8/8/2006

Question
So you would not suggest at this moment to do what I have to do to land this man ? Within the next year or so I'll be divorce(I outgrow my husband) and have nothing standing in my way. Yeah I know he will still be married but I know how he feels about me. Even his ex-wife when she was still married to him said to me that he really loves me and she could not have imagine her husband feeling this way about a person . I really do not feel that him having a child will keep him in his marriage(but he married her because she was pregnant so I can not say that for sure) because when I tried to use that as a excuse to stay in my marriage he said that kids understand more then we think and I have to explain to my kids that in order for me to grow I need to move on from my spouse. I'm sure he lives by that value also. So am I being the biggest B in the world and only thinking about my needs and getting what I want. What I feel that I lost and what I feel is mines ? This man is very sucessful and I have achieve sucess in my career and I know that sucess motivates him. His biggest turn on is a sucessful,educated, attractive women.(which I am )I just completed my Masters,I have a supervisor position in a fortune 500 company and I have my own business and I'm very attractive( but I do not feel a women should use her looks). So am I wrong to go after what I want and not consider his wife ? Because I do not know her ,I do not even know her name(I do not care to know) so it is nothing personal where she is concern.
-------------------------

Followup To

Question -
True I really do not know what is on his mind only what he tells me. He often tells me that he was a fool to let me go and often wonder what if.There is not a day that goes by that we do not talk and he tells me that he never wants to take another chance of not having me in his life and I feel the same. I can not wait until we see each other next month. He is aware of what I'm going through but I tried to make it seem trival so that he would not worry about me and tried to change the subject by flirting with him. I thought like most men he would have stop talking about my unhappiness and follow along with the provocative talk I was trying to engage him in but he did something really surprising. He stop the conversation and said that he thinks about me quite often but more then just in a sexual way and that it hurts him to see me unhappy and that he would do what ever it takes to help me out of my situation.He is such a caring man and wonderful man I wished that I had stayed and fought for him back then but I thought I was doing the right thing. When we email each other it rarly contains sexual context mostly just really deep expression of our feeling for each other.


-------------------------

Followup To

Question -
Okay let me tell you a little about my situation. I am very confused about my
situation I know a lot of us (the other women)say they know for sure that their married man love them
and that one day he will leave his wife. My situation is a little different not
only am I the other women but I'm also a married women. When I 1st meet my friend he was not married he
became married after his other love interest became pregnant. He did the
commendable thing and married her. I did not find this out until the W called me
We had a long talk because she kept calling me everyday.  She had seen pictures
of me because my now married man sister made no vices about showing her (they did not get
along).Upon having several conversation with the new W she admitted to me that
she could tell by the way he reacted that he really loved and cared for me. We
also figured out that the day he married her he left her in their hotel room and
came to my apartment and we made love that night.(for the 1st time) I truly felt
bad for a brief moment ,I decided to leave the relationship because I thought
that me being in the picture may keep them from having a successful
relationship.  Little did I know that they separated an divorced within a year.
Recently we ran across each other again after 17 years and the strong feeling
that I shared for him resurfaced. He recently remarried(2 years)and has a 3 year
old son and as I stated before I'm married with 4 kids. My marriage is on its
last leg and of course my married man is very supportive and is helping me through this
as a friend. We have not had any physical contact as of yet(we live in separate
states)but we are planning a get away soon.

Do you think that their is any hope for us. I truly think that he is waiting to
see is I am actually going to leave my husband before he makes his move but I
really do not know. Do you think that I have blinders on when it comes to him ?
He have suggested that I move to the state that he lives in because I will
probably need distance from my spouse so that I can move on.

Help me figure all this out. I am so confused and very new at being TOW

Help
Princess702



Answer -
alot of obstacles to cross, including 5 kids and 2 spouses; who knows if when push comes to shove he'll go ANYWHERE, as at the moment, neither of us know his motives...lower expectations to zero and take it one day at a time--you can't afford another bad decision..

Answer -
nonetheless, the obstacles remain; smooth talk is no substitute for actual behavior above and beyond occasional romantic rendevous; see what evolves..

Answer
"do what you have to do to land him"??; sounds a tad manipulative; in my opinion, you be who you are--if that's not sufficient, you're with the wrong guy; as to the rest, you only know what he's said; at his point, promises of coming attractions are just that; until he actually leaves and enters into a serious relationship with you, you just have alot of cool talk; considering same, it would be prudent to keep expectations low..