Expert: Azure - 4/7/2005

Question
I have two teens now at 38.  I never married.  My kids father was my only boyfriend and he was very abusive for 10 years. Since our breakup in 1997 he got married to a friend of ours and is now expecting a child.  I have only dated twice since 1997 and I tried to "hang onto" these men by falling for them, being very clingy and obsessive.  

I have been unemployed for months now and I'm tired of saying "I'm inbetween jobs".
Can I start to date or do I have to wait and work first?

Where do I meet men at this age?

I'm a very attractive female and meet men very easily...I just can't keep them interested.

I'm very picky and still base a lot on looks...it could be from my inexperience with dating. I could go through over 1000 pics on dating sites and still not find one I'm attracted to.

Once I am attracted to someone I want to have him!  As soon as he realizes I'm interested he backs off.  I'm very afraid of another rejection when I finally see what I want.  What do I do?

Answer
if i knew you better i could provide better insights; certainly having a job isn't a requirement for dating;  as to where to find men, it's first having the right mindset; if you're open to it, almost any situation offers the potential opportunity to strike up an acquaintance; getting involved in something where men are, such as a mixed bowling league, a class, the gym, a church group, etc; can increase your chances; online dating sites like match.com, friendfinders.com, singleme.com, are extremely popular sites where singles interact; certainly the more picky you are about looks, the more difficult it is to find someone; try to be a bit more flexible--sometimes an average looking guy with a great personality can begin to be seen as quite appealing if given the chance; as to your inclination toward neediness/dependency, it's something you need to work on; increasing self-esteem; finding productive work, developing a hobby or skill, just generally becoming more of the ideal self inside you, will make you more comfortable with who you are; reading a book on self-esteem would help as well; for now, try to put more time/energy into just meeting some new people, look at their soul as well as their face/body, and work on "self-realization"...combining the 3 should yield positive results..