Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 6/11/2007

Question


So i have found i am really good at reading people, except when it comes to someone I'm interested in.
I tend to be very scared of rejections and over analyze situations. I'm in a situation that I want to progress but not sure if I'm going at a brick wall or open door way.

The situation: My mom (believe it or not) is head of an office where these young men work. My mom loves them, thinks there all hysterical and have a great sense of humor, we joke that she wants them as sons..

Well after meeting these young men at our home, I fell for them, one especially, the younger one of about 22 (I'm 20). We went to a trivia night and all got along and joked, ( I believed we flirted, he kept saying he would buy me a beer, but i refused with my mom there. When shes not around we discuss drinking stories and laughs, and I joke how we need to drink together, and he doesn't turn the idea down... BUT I fear that he may just be nice to me because of my mom as his boss, even though they are laid back there. He's also really a nice polite guy, so he could just be flattering me..

My worries; I'm going onto my 3rd year of college, he graduated 2 years early (the same uni as me) owns apartments, good with his money and has a successful job with the gov. (But still likes to have fun and drink and JOKE)
I fear I'm not mature enough for his standards, I feel that I'm mature but fear his perspective, sine I live at home (however I'm living in an apartment about an hour north of him and 2 hours from home for the summer) I'm also more independent and outgoing, I juts fear, that I'm not good enough...

Recently we went to dinner with the guys my mom and her friend (all coworkers) and i needed to leave to go back to school to finish a project, however it was to late get back intime to use the computers in the library, which have a specific program i needed, we all brainstormed,and then he offered his computer so i went with the guys to their apartment, (hes so polite, its nice to find men that are sweet, caring and funny) I used his computer and we joked with the other co-worker that lived below him, i was there till midnight, when i finally finished and he walked me out to my car where we departed and i headed up north...
He also calls me by my real name instead of my juvenile nickname that all my mom and her friends go by.

I see a potential but fear I'm getting my hopes up especially since I'm not used to the relationship situations, never having time for them, but now that I want one, am I going for one out of my league?

How can I know if hes interested and not just being nice, and how can move things along/initiate, without looking like a fool...?


Answer
Dear Kat,
No one's real good at reading things when emotionally involved, so you aren't alone, and when we really like someone, we're always a little anxious about it working out. Look at it as excitement!  The only way you'll know for sure, is when you know for sure.  

Don't let fear of rejection hold back your dating experiences.  We ALL have our share or rejections - at work, in applying for grants, etc.

It's hard to tell with this one, and also it IS tricky that he works for your mom.  Keep your hopes in line with what's actually going on.  Don't read anything into anything until you get a sure sign.  That would be a real ask for a real date.  Right now you're in a "palling around" thing, because of the group.  

You can move it along by continuing to enjoy his company and letting him take the lead.  Palling around is what you are doing now -- being in a group, and then moving on to the computer thing -- so watch and see if he initiates a real date situation.  Don't be too available for the "palling around" stuff because that's not what you want.  He should be able to get the hint if you enjoy being with him and let it show, but act like you EXPECT to be asked out on a date, and otherwise, you're busy.

If you want coaching, let me know.  It can be helpful.  (sdunn@susandunn.cc)

Good luck!
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc