Expert: Azure - 12/21/2005

Question
Hello,
I met a man online...we only had a few dates and he pushed to move in with me right away. Just before he asked to move in he repeatedly asked me about my finances...he asked me how much I make etc...now a few months and a background check later I have come to the realization that he has lied about everything. He has judgements against him from his last landlord for nonpayment of rent etc...they were about to throw him out which explains why he was so desperate to move in with me. As soon as he moved in he then pushed for me to add him to my cell phone plan AND to buy him a new cell phone...I found old bank statements of his that show tons of overdraft charges. I also found that he just took a loan from his employer to help pay his rent etc,,this guy has severe financial problems and has lied to me in efforts to have me take him in and take care of him financially...but he is smart b/c he's been telling me everything that a girl would want to hear...that I am everything that he's ever wanted and more...he got close to my daughter (erie close to her) all in efforts to get his foot so far in the door that it would make it very difficult for me to leave him. I found text messages to multiple women (from before me) where he would say the exact words to them...talking about marriage etc..this guy has his opertion down pat! The problem is that I have feelings for him and am attracted to him and thought that I loved him but I can not go on...he's very sweet too which is what he uses and is very good at acting like "pity me"...so I am having trouble letting him go.. I have to ask him to move out and this is going to make me a nervous wreck but my family has been going through hell watching me stay with him...he barely ever gives me rent money - he always has an excuse as to why he has no money..yeah cause he's probably still paying the old apt! Please help! I need guidance. Thanks!


Answer
what can i say that haven't already heard??..even YOU, despite your addiction to him, know it has to end, as it should have a long time ago; if you can't do it, no point in writing..the guidance you need, and should get, is in getting beyond your insecurity/neediness thru building up self-esteem..get counseling, either before or after you throw the jerk out, to find out why you'd allow yourself to fall for a guy like this, and to prevent a re-occurrence which will likely occur unless you fix your emotional make-up..