Expert: Azure - 8/18/2005

Question
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Followup To
Question -
Azure,
I've been engaged 1 1/2 years. We are happy together but I have serious abandonment issues since early adolescence. Never have I outwardly been head over heels for someone as much as him.
In the beginning he loved me. I had a free spirit and he was head over heels. But in the past 1/2 year I feel that he is not responding to me as much as he used to love to. Sometimes he doesn't hear an important question I ask that needs answer. Part of me thinks I should take some of my love back so he could chase me. Maybe become more independent of needing him and see what he does? But I want to love him it's just scary and it hurts so bad to give my love and sometimes feel rejected, like someone slaps me over and over again in the place that hurt years ago.
Do you have any advice on what I can do to stop my hurt and become a little less emotionally independent, like I used to be when we first met?
Thank you muchly,
Jenny
Answer -
need more details as to the relationship, including length, marriage plans, how things were, how they changed..
More Details...
We have been together two years. We have no wedding plans as of right now because we aren't rushing into it. I told him that im in no hurry and he agreed.
In the beginning he would have done anything for me at any second. I was the one who backed off because I didn't trust him yet. When I started to trust him, love him, and want him it was as if he didn't want me as much anymore and it started to get obvious when he didn't come over as much, doesn't answer his cell phone or call as much, and never initiates sex anymore.. and little things that meant a lot. I have a hard time not feeling abandoned because of the wrong male images I've had in my life. I am getting sick and tired of being sleptical as if he is trying to hurt me by not doing the things he did before. I try to tell him how I feel but he says he doesn't know what I am talking about. Then I feel crazy.
Part of me thinks he loves me and part thinks that he just wanted to impress me, marry me, then change his whole attitude and make me his house slave.
Do you see what I am doing? But I can't help it.. Please help!
Greatfully,
Jenny :)

Answer
you're not doing enough to get his attention--if you were, he wouldn't be getting away with saying he doesn't know what you're talking about; you have problems with his behavior, you have examples--he knows what you're talking about, but instead of addressing it he's decided to jerk you around; figure out what you require for continuing in this arrangement, arrange to talk to him in advance, then inform him of what is no longer acceptable; if he still doesn't get it, choose from more assertive options like seeing each other less, all the way up to breaking the engagement; if he's still AT ALL interested in keeping you happy, he'll shape up; if not, you'll know (fortunately before getting married) that his selfish inconsideration will forever be an impediment to a real loving relationship..stop settling for less than you deserve..