Expert: Azure - 8/7/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hi. I had a crush on this guy i worked with, we flirted but nothing more, cause i had a b/f. But then a few months after i left i got the nerve to ask him out, but i was rejected because he was dating someone. it was also right after his dad passed(i didnt know at that time). i was sad but then i got over it. a few months later he calls at like 2 or 3 am claiming i sent him a text, which i couldn't have because i didnt even have his cell number. it was obviously an excuse. we talked more but only after hours. my feelings grew dramtically, but he mentioned that he didnt wanna commit to anything because he had 3 failed relationships back to back including the one he got out of 2 months before calling me. i cant do anything about that, because its his choice. i figured he might be lying maybe he had a girlfriend, but then why would he reject me before? i really really like him, and im surprised because i always find tiny flaws that just disgust me, like lint in a guys hair, stupid stuff. but with him and my first love none of that bothers me. its weird. when we hang out its alot of fun. but i think i always have to initiate it. i know i should back off and let him come around. i dont wanna seem clingy even though he might think i am. when we hang out we actually talk about more than sex. life, politics, music, we have the "exact" same abnormal beliefs about God that i have never ever heard anyone else say in my entire life. its great, but i dont think that his feelings are as strong, im addicted to him its far past a crushing now and im questioning if im possibly starting to fall for this guy. his metaphore: that if u get hurt playing a sport like football, you dont always wanna jump right back in, that you have to let yourself heal first, especially if you have been injured a few times. its true i do i understand but is that just guy term for "i just dont like u like that"? i say he could be lying but he could be telling the truth, what do you think? i have a problem trusting people so i think most of what he says are lies, but maybe not, i have no proof. what are the best things i can do to get him into my grasp? even if it takes time how can i speed it up? we are already great as friends, but i want so much more. am i being stupid? if i didnt contact him i dont know when we would talk. and i once went for two weeks without calling, but then i broke down and did it. no matter what ive tried, i get this strong urge to call and it sucks cause i dont know how to handle it. i get so sad when i dont talk to him, or when i dont get a text message back. i dont know what to do. i wanna be with him, bottom line, even if i have to wait. how can i make him see that we can be a really great match? how can i stop from beaing so clingy? i tried to do other things and stay occupied, but that only works for so long. and i dont wanna give up on him when i think we have lots of potential?

ANSWER: so when you see each other, is sex usually involved?..so he never asks you out on a date?

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: sometimes it is involved but i find that we usually have a more lovable time when we dont. we have tried going out but our work schedules i swear never match, thats why we end up spending the night together and parting the next day we are suppose to go to florida for a few days too...

Answer
being the "chaser" and the one who likes the other more, isn't the spot you want to be in; this guy has done little to illustrate any caring beyond convenient sex and casual banter--that non-commital babble is bogus---if he were that into you he'd be calling; you've got to get control of yourself and regain your self-esteem; no matter what it takes, stop calling; he's MUCH too sure of you, which leads to a loss of respect; if/when he DOES call, asks to go out, tell him you're busy; you're ONLY chance (tho slim) of this being more than it is, would be for him to realize your worth as an independent being, not needing him in order to be happy, who's  dating others, and he realizing that maybe he's losing a good thing....