Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 10/19/2007

Question
Susan,

I need your advice!  I am currently in a theatrical production with a cutie.  The
first rehearsal that he was there (he had missed the first few)  he smiled and
me and came over and talked to me after rehearsal was finished... The next
rehearsal I asked him if he wanted to join the group that goes for coffee and
he said he couldn't that time, but the next he would.  Then, he missed
rehearsal (bad timing)... anyway, I emailed him and told him what happened
at
rehearsal and said that I thought he owed me a coffee! :~)
Anyway, the night we planned to go get a coffee he said he couldn't go, which
normally I would take as a sign to say forget this,  but we ended up talking to
each other on our way out for an hour and he asked me for my phone
number.  We e-mail each other a bunch at work and he flirts with me
incessantly during rehearsal, but he has yet to call.   What the heck is going
on here?  Are we friends? Is he  just a flirt?  I wish he would just make up
his mind- I really wouldn't mind either way, but I'm starting to get frustrated!

Answer
I know the feeling.  There's no way of telling.  I would recommending making no more overtures, and backing off a bit if you want a date with him.  Right now it's sounds a lot like pals.  Which isn't a bad thing.  

Just for the future -- this sort of thing

"I emailed him and told him what happened at rehearsal and said that I thought he owed me a coffee! :~)"

is not optimal if you want a guy to date you or want something serious.  Let me make all first moves and do all the work. That is aggressive, not flirting.  It shapes it to be "pals" which is why (I think) it has gone the way it has.  

One thing you can do is stop what's going on.  Don't answer the emails - at least for 24 hours of more and keep the answer brief.  Keep phone calls to 10-15 mins. and light, and you be the one to hang up.  This way, he has to try something different.  It cuts off the pally stuff.  

Good luck!
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc

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