Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 7/15/2007

Question
Hello Susan,

I recently started dating this guy, he seemed very kind and generous. Then on one of our dates, he started telling me stories of how this girl used to harass him in college, how she was stalking him and slept outside his bedroom door and he was fearful so he had to call the cops on her. He also told me how this other girl stalks him.

Whenever a guy is telling tales of women stalking him, what does that mean?

Also, when you date a man for a long period of time, like a year, and he is always sweet, kind and loving, and then one day snaps and starts getting very nasty for no reason at all, what does that mean?

What do you know of these types of men.

Thanks

Answer
Well it would give me the creeps to hear something like that.  And twice?  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  Something's not right there, and I'd leave it at that.  What does it mean?  Nothing good, I'm afraid.  Obviously it gave you the creeps too, since you're writing to ask about it.  Go with your instincts.  

In answer to your second question, first of all, if nothing has happened after one year, it's time for the woman to move on.  Secondly, the reason we date for a long time is to find out things like that.  It could mean he's found someone else.  Some men get rid of the woman by being mean. (not a mature way to do it)  It could also mean that that he was able to be "sweet" and "loving" for a while, but he can't stick to it.  In either case, it's not a good sign either.  

Go with your instincts, girl friend.  

What do I know of these types of men?  Never had that stalking thing.  A story like that makes me say "Come on, who's zoomin' who?"  It's like the woman who turns her gyn in after he's abused her the 3rd time.

Sweet and then mean?  I got out.  Run, don't walk.  Because men that are "too sweet" turn out to be very, VERY mean (Women too), and it's intentional.  I was also very grateful he displayed this before I got in over my head.  That's been my experience.  Mean doesn't work for me.  As to why a person is mean, that's a long story and you don't need to know why, you just need to get out.  What about "mean" do you need to know more about?  Some people go a lifetime without being intentionally mean to someone they love.  Find one of those.     

Good luck!
Susan
www.susandunn.cc