Expert: Azure - 12/17/2005

Question
Hi, i think i'm in love with my best friend and i'd really like him to notice me. However, our history is very complicated. I've known him for almost 2 years. and he always liked me from the beginning, but i was involved in a 4 yr long-distance relationship, and never found myself attracted to him at all. however, we still managed to grow very close, and after a year of knowing him i ended up cheating on my long-distance bf, with him. that relationship ended. and my best friend and i continued to get closer, he fell in love with me and despite the fact that i had no strong feelings for him, we started sleeping together. he really wanted to be in a relationship with me, almost to the point where it would appear as being pathetic. but i still did not see him as more than a friend. i guess his patience with me grew thin, and he decided to move on. now he has a girlfriend. and i've taken a backseat in his life. i think i'm in love with him though. i think my feelings were always there, but i supressed them because i was still really heart-broken about my ex. i dont know if jealousy has forced me to feel like this about my best friend now. but i really miss his company, and he is always on my mind. i cant stand being without him! i'm ready to be in a relationship with him now and i feel like a major idiot for letting him slip through my fingers. do u think there is a chance that he may still have feelings for me? we are still pretty close, but i think he really cares for his gf. but he's only been with her for 2 months, and he's already cheated on her with me. however, i stopped allowing that, because i felt like i was selling myself short, because it didn't make him leave her for me. do u think the feelings he had for me might still be there? and do u think that after being rejected by me so many times, he'd give me a chance now? do u think i may still have a chance with him? should i just ignore my feelings and wish him the best in his new relationship? even though that would be really hard. i'm afraid to risk the rejection because i think it would make things awkward between us, and be potentially damaging to our friendship and my self-esteem. i dont think he knows i feel this way about him. please let me know what u think and your advice on what i should do!

Answer
your choices are to just be a friend and wait until if/when he breaks up, then tell him how you really feel, or tell him now; i don't think telling him now will necessarily makes things "awkward", or damage esteem, especially if you go into it with no expectations; just tell him how you feel about him, how it's more than just friends, but how you certainly don't want to get between him/his girl, and want to still be "friends" (tho, in my opinion, it's not really friends unless both parties are emotionally "neutral", which you're not); if he doesn't return your feelings, then retreat to more distant shores, where not only is sex out, but all interaction is significantly reduced, while you hopefully refocus on meeting/dating more available guys..