Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 1/24/2007

Question
Susan, I don't know anyone who knew him and I, it has been 46 years ago.  He was born in Cuba, and we met when he lived in Union City, NJ and I lived in North Bergen, NJ.  I married, and he joined the army, and married, and the last time we saw each other, he was moving to Miami, FLA.

I don't have much to go, do I?  What do I do?

Thank you.

Rose Marie
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The text above is a follow-up to ...

-----Question-----
Please help me, I want to bring back to me my old love, we have not seen one another in a very long time, we broke up over something stupid, I want a 2nd chance, I know we can make it now.

Please give me some advise, I tried locating him, I don't have the money to hire someone.

Thank you and God Bless You.

Rose Marie
-----Answer-----
Hi Rose Marie,

That is so sad.  I hope it would work out.  Sometimes we learn hard lessons the hard way .  Many couples break up a couple of times before they get it right and get together.

Well, come on now ... what have you tried?  Keep trying things that don't cost money, keep your hopes up, visualize and use your self talk.  Say "I know I will find him" and then proceed.

I have a story about this.  I asked my coach how I could attract the kind of man I wanted, and she said to clean out my garage.  (You know, clear out some space.  That's a metaphor.)  But you really have to do it.  I did.  Then I came into the house - I mean I was at that nasty task for 8 hours, all sweaty and tired, with bags and bags of junk at the curb for Goodwill.  I cleared the floor, completely.  Then washed it down with soap and water, all clean and clear.  

I came in, sat at the computer, saw that silly "high school" ad and replied to it.  (I forget the cost, but probably not much more than a movie ticket and some popcorn.)  The next day my high school sweetheart contacted me via that site.  Just get the PRINCIPAL here.  We had broken up about 30 years prior.  It was very dear.  

He said he had "wanted" to find me over the years.  Now I thought that silly because he knew my maiden name and where I went to college.  There's an alumni association, you know.  Sometimes they'll give the name right out; sometimes you have to sweet talk.  Call back and try another person.  He knew friends we'd had in common.  I don't think he tried very hard, do you??  Later he admitted he hadn't really done anything.  I'm not that way.  I work for what I want!  

Think of leads.  Get creative and don't ever give up.  Google.  Check on "find a person."  The town you were in.  Where did he go to school?  Any names of teachers you remember?  You never know who's still in touch with him.  Where he worked?  

Pick up the phone - when you use a sweet voice, well, Rose Marie, the whole world wants lovers to unite, and they will help!  You "tried," but it's not over yet.  Pray.  Think about it.  Do things.  If you get nowhere with one person, hang up and take the next person.  (I once got an airline refund that way.  The first person told me "no way," so I hung up and took the next person, and they said "Sure.")  In other words, don't take "no" for an answer.  

Keeping it in your heart can help, too.  Then maybe some idea will come to you.  Sometimes it just walks in off the street.

You can also golden key -- www.susandunn.cc/goldenkey.htm .  

Do go clean out something.  Some room in your house, or your car, or garage.  Make room for this in your life.  It's the attraction principle.  

I have found nearly anyone I've looked for via the Internet.  Once I paid $39.95, but I bet you could save that up.  Men don't generally change their name, you know.  I looked up the newspaper in his home town and checked their archives.  Once it cost $9.95.

Try google, but also yahoo, askjeeves, altavista, all of them.  Try all versions of his name - James, Jimmy, Jamey, etc.

Envision (think, but with feeling) of the two of you together.  Your inner wisdom/spirit can do marvelous things that our thinking-brains cannot.     

I used to be a fundraiser and had to track people down.  Just keep at it.  You can do it and I wish you the very best.  The whole world wants lovers united, you can count on that.  I want the two of you united too!

God bless you, too,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc

Answer
Well have you checked his name in connection with those two cities?  Do the things I suggested.  Call a Catholic church in Miami.  Get serious about it.  You'll think of something.  It sounds like you're a bit passive ... you're going to have to go after it.  Some people are quite invisible on the Internet, but I've almost always found something, especially on men.  Just mess around a little each night.  Some of the find-a-person sites can search the nation.  He may have gone back to Cuba, and you'll have to mess around with that.  Keep after it!  Call the army ... I've never done that.  The guy who called me after all that time, I had been unable to find hime - I looked once or twice, but I cleaned my garage, took one action, and HE found ME.  

Good luck!
Susan

Susan