Expert: Rhapsody Love - 10/22/2003

Question
I have been interested in this guy that I met a few weeks ago through my brother playing cards at a friends house. I see him at least 2 times a week and he seems attracted to me. I think he could be intimidated by me because I'm older and more popular than he is. I see him stare at me alot, he doesnt smile, he basically glances and then will look away, but he does it alot. We talk but its small talk. I cant read him. I'm embarassed that if I start to flirt with him a little I might scare him off. The problem is I cant read him. Do you have any advice to find out if he's interested. Such as gestures I can use or questions I can ask without sounding TO forward and without scaring him off. I just want to know if hes interested in me. If I knew just that things would run alot more smoothly.

Answer
Priscilla,

There are a lot of aspects to look for if you're trying to determine not only if he likes you, but in what way. I would say the glances show a definate indication that he likes you. Now are you someone he could really have a long-term relationship with or do you just make him hot? It's hard to know that. The best thing to do is to get to know him and start the relationship by being friends and see where it goes from there. Here's what I suggest.:

Find a time to just have friendly conversation (at lunch, coffee-break, etc.).  You can start by talking about something you already know about him (music he listens to, something you've overheard him talking about) or you can talk about the place where you first saw him asking how long he's been coming there, how did he find it or why did he start coming.  If those ideas don't work for this situation, you could start by talking about something in the news that you heard that morning and ask his opinion about it.   You can eventually move the conversation to likes and dislikes (movies, food, music, sports, hobbies, etc.) and if he mentions he likes to do something that you also like, you could ask him if he'd like to go to that with you.  If you keep up on the latest movies, sports events, concerts, etc., then you could suggest a specific one and possibly say you were planning to go any way, so it doesn't look like you're asking him on a "date."

BTW, I'll bet your right about his feeling intimidated, so he might be nervous, which makes some guys seem silly and not make a good impression until the nervousness wears off.

Good luck!

- Joyce