Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 1/2/2007

Question
I have been seeing this man for about six months now.  We see each other about 3 times a week and when we do not see each other he calls or we chat online.  He even called me every day and sometimes twice when he went to visit his daughters in another state.  He even asked my two daughters what i wanted for Christmas so i went out and got a gift for him.  When i gave him the gift he said to me that he did not get me one.  I told him that is ok I didn't expect one that Christmas was a time of giving and not getting and left it at that.  Then we talked about New Years and what we were going to do.  Three days before New Years eve he tells me that he has different plans that his best friend invited him to a party and he had to RSVP and only  for one extra person.  Then to come to find out he did not go with his friend he went to a bar by himself and just after mid night he calls me and wants to meet him at his place.  I did not go because I have been so confused and don't know what to do.  He has changed so much in such a short time. I try and talk to him but just shuts me out, before we could talk about anything.  Help I am confused

Answer
Sounds like a booty call.  No wonder you are confused. For some reason he has pulled out.  YOu can wait it out and see what he does, but in the meantime, really pull back yourself.  Don't go after him, be less available.  You probably got too involved too soon.  When dating a man, if you want marriage, you should now make yourself so available - like 3 nights a week.  Pace it out.  He doesn't get the goodies until he marries you.  Otherwise, what has happened to you is very likely to happen.  It sounds like (I'm sorry to say) he wasn't really into it in the first place, the holidays kicked up something, he's having second thoughts.

Wait it out and see what happens, but change your behavior.  He isn't treating you well now.  

Don't ask questions, don't pursue but also - no booty calls, he doesn't get to drop in without calling.  YOu basically go back to step one.  He isn't putting anything into it, so he doesn't get anything back from you.  He is not being emotionally available or present, in other words.  

It is sad he didn't get your gift and didn't want to spend NY with you ... but you may have found out something important you would've found out sooner of later.

When they "go into the cave" like this, drop it.  Disappeaer.  Don't dig, ask, or pursue.  Be cool.  Let me know what happens.

Warm regards,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc