Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 10/5/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hi Susan,

I met a nice gentleman last Thursday evening at the shopping center and we chatted a bit and he asked for my number. He is an elementary school teacher and had just moved to the city a few days before to teach at the public school. I saw he had just purchased a cell phone. He said 'I will give you a call' and we exchanged numbers. I texted him a couple days later saying hi how are you doing.

He texted me tonight (Thursday night) and this is what he wrote me.

"Hey Joanna! I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to get back to you - my phone broke down. If you are up to any fun stuff this weekend let me know. Will be sure to meet up. Xx"

I haven't contacted him back yet. Friday night I am going to dinner with my best friend for her birthday, but Saturday night I am free. How should I proceed from here on out?

ANSWER: Dear Joanna,

Well, first of all, are you looking to get married and consider him marriage material, or are you just looking for "fun" or for romance?  If the latter, it doesn't matter what you do.  Call him up, ask him out, etc.

If you want to maneuver this into the better position for marriage, or serious dating, first of all you have been the aggressor by txt msg'ing him first, which I don't recommend.  Learn to wait and let the man make the move.

Secondly, it is now Friday, and that's late for a Sat. night date.  (Should be Weds., but at least he txt msg'd you on Thursday.)  Also "meet up" and "fun stuff" is awfully pal-ly to me - or maybe it means something different in the part of the country where you live? It doesn't sound like it got off to a good start.

It is preferable that the man make all the moves and do all the work, and that he ask you out at least on Weds. or Thurs. for a date on Sat. and that it's for a definite event/activity.  This approach of his is not appealing to ME, but if it is to you, then write him back and suggest something.  If it were me, I'd let it go and see if he comes back with something more appealing.  

Another alternative would be to go ahead and make it known you're available for Sat. or Sun. night and then let him suggest what you will do.  Then let him pay for it and keep it brief.  You be the one to end the date and you don't need to be specific as to why.  Also don't mention what you are doing Friday night, just that you already have plans.  An air or mystery and vagueness is helpful, as well as not being too "available".  After about 2 hours at the most just say you've got to go.  The general theory is - be easy to be with and hard to get.  If it just lobs along like this, it probably won't go anywhere.

Good luck!
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc

For personal coaching, Internet courses and ebooks, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .  DATING SUCCESS MANUAL is available here:   http://tinyurl.com/6ny55 .  I recommend that you read it.





---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Ok, well I probably don't want to marry this guy (he will only be in Chicago (my city) teaching for a year, he is adjunct prof and then going back to Europe, and I will be going to grad school in New York in another year too, so both of us are leaving anyway) but I would like to date him for this amount of time that I'm in the city...but not just for a "good time" either, I'm still a virgin so it definitely is NOT about just sex or fun with me.

So basically...somewhat serious but not leading to marriage (him being from another country and going back is gonna be too difficult) but he does seem like an intellectual from our in person conversations...he has advanced degrees...and I saw him helping old ladies cross the sidewalk...so I'm willing to give him a chance. Even if he sounds silly over the text message.

So what do you think?

Answer
Well, you got me on this -- "he does seem like an intellectual from our in person conversations...he has advanced degrees...and I saw him helping old ladies cross the sidewalk."  That is very appealing to me, as well as the European element; however, this is about you and him, doesn't matter about me.  :-)  

So, txt msg back and go out with him this weekend and see how it goes.  Just remember that you have said that he's going back to Europe, you are going to New York - and hang on to your heart!  I'm also curious why you would ask what to do ... just go out with him.  

Good luck!
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc

For personal coaching, Internet courses and ebooks, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .  DATING SUCCESS MANUAL is available here:   http://tinyurl.com/6ny55 .  I recommend that you read it.

For more information, email Susan at sdunn@susandunn.cc .