Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 12/14/2007

Question
Dennis,

This isn't a relationship question but you have a doctorate so maybe you could help me.

I am in a doctoral program and am repeating a class I failed. I ended up failing it again. At our school that leads to an expulsion. I appealed, and my appeal was rejected and I was expelled.

My loans from school (college and grad school combined) is $300,000 dollars. I am over a quarter million in debt.

My college degree is in biochemistry and biophysics. I am not going to get a graduate degree of any sort because I am going to get kicked out, so with all this money I paid I have nothing to show for it.

Since I am on loans I have no money and have absolutely no personal savings, I dont even have $20 in my bank account. I eat noodles every day. Its humiliating.

So after I leave from my dismissal, I will have to move back in with my parents for at least a few months.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do. What would your next step be?

Thanks
-May

Answer
Hello May!

This is something I've actually done many times - reinvent yourself. That's not just a flip answer by the way, it really has powerful merit so bear with me. Also, I happen to feel qualified to speak about this subject since; along with my career choice of being a dating/sex/relationship experts, I'm also directly involved with job training and placement as a commissioner for Los Angeles County - another "life" of mine.

Consider this: for whatever reason, you're not cut out for biochemistry/biophysics. Fine. That's just a path - it's not the destination. In other words, there are 10,000 other paths to take to get wherever it is that you want to go. The focus has to be on the goal at the end of the road, not the way to get there.

This is what "reinventing yourself" is all about. You didn't "fail" at being a biochemist/biophysists at all - you simply learned that this wasn't your calling. It's a simple; albeit a pretty expensive, lesson!

Instead, you now have an opportunity to go discover what your true calling REALLY is. This isn't a job May, it's a passion.

Focus on that passion part of the equasion. Here's an important fact: whatever you're passionate about will take you the most quickly and directly to your highest level of success. It's not about a degree at all, it's about the passion.

Having been through the education industry I'll let you in on a little secret: education is HIGHLY overrated! My professional education has done very little to prepare me for what I actually do for a living! If you really sit down and talk to people from their heart-of-hearts, they'll tell you the same thing too.

What professional education really is comes down to what a small group of people want you to know, and your ability to stick through the intentional infliction of pain they put you through to get it. Frankly, that's it! It doesn't really prepare you to do whatever job it is that you want to do.

Medical/biology degrees will certainly teach you a lot of facts such as who everyone was that ever did a thing or discovered a thing or tried a thing, but it won't actually tell you how to DO the thing! It'll teach you all kinds of theory and eventually, hopefully, you'll learn how to think in terms that are defined by this small group of people - the educators. If that doesn't clear up what traditional education is all about, then I don't know what will!

Instead, even if you get that degree, you'll still have to learn how to do whatever it is that you're going to do anyway! So, what's wrong with starting at that point instead? Answer: nothing!

Your passion however is the key. What you're passionate about; what you dwell on everyday, what consumes you will also carry you to your highest goals of success. a degree itself will never do this. Very few people are passionate about their degrees, and the world is full of educated deralicts and non-producers.

So, here's what my next step would be:

First, I'd get started discovering my passion. If I didn't know what it was clearly, I'd get involved with as many interesting, fun things as I could. I'd meet a ton of people by getting out there and picking brains. I'd ask all sorts of questions and then question the answers I got until something in me sparked. Then, I'd carefully pursue that spark to see if it turned into a fire. If so, I'd continue to stoke it until it consumed me.

Then, I'd find a way to make money doing that thing. If I'm passionate about it, I'll bet there are tons of other people that are too! I could become an expert at any aspect of it - or the whole thing. This isn't about intellegence by the way - it's about drive and motivation. What more drive could you possibly have than with something that you love?

I'd also restructure my loans so that I could extend out the payments as long as possible. This is just a functional choice however as I'd also be looking to get that monkey off my back as quickly as possible. I'd just be hedging my bets here.

Finally, I'd throw myself into that direction with everything I had. I wouldn't give up until I got everything I wanted - and far, far more than I could expect. I'd also build it into a real business and along the way, I'd learn all the peripheral things I needed to know to help me along the way, but then, that's why I established a "focus group" of experts in the beginning! I'd lean on them as much as I needed with the knowledge that I'd give it all back someday.

May, this is your new direction. I can't tell you what that passion is, but trust me, there are tons of them out there just for you. All you need to do is change your attitude from one of "failure" to one of having gone through a learning experience and now being reaady to find your own level of success.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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