Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 6/28/2007

Question
QUESTION: A girl has been telling my friend things about the boy I’m care for so he told me, i asked him if they were true and he said no, why would he? Then i asked her myself and she said the same thing so i had a go at him and called him an idiot (foolish of me I know). He stopped talking to me after that, and didn’t come and see me when i was in the town he lived in. He didn’t reply to my texts even though i said sorry. My friend Sophie said she’s obviously said something to him to poison him against me because he was acting weird before this kicked off, and that she’s definitely been saying things to make me mad at him. We aren’t in a relationship, i love him and he doesn’t know, he knows i like him though. I told him i loved him when i was drunk once though. Then the girl said to me my friend was asking what the boy i liked said to her and she said it was none of his business, and then said he said nothing. So after saying all that stuff that he supposedly said she basically told me that she lied. Now me and the boy aren’t talking and I’m too stubborn/scared to make the 1st move and say hello, that and because i fear hell ignore me. I bet he’s thinking since I didn’t believe him I can take a hike.

When I said I was coming to where he lived, he asked what date and I said the 29th. He said awwwww I go on holiday that day =(, so I said ill come the 23rd instead and he said aww you don’t have to do that for me =) and I said it was ok because I wanted to see him. The previous time I went he asked me why I didn’t tell him, and I said I didn’t think you would be interested, but he said he would have came and met me. This girl she is bad news, she lied about her grandma dieing so one of my friends would travel 3 hours to be with her in her time of need, only half way there he got a text saying sorry shed rather be alone. When he rang her an old woman answered the phone, ironically her parents were “on holiday”, and you’d think if her grandma did die they would get the 1st flight back. He ended up spending the day with me and a friend.

But I can’t read the boy I’m infatuated with. One day he’s saying that when I go to London I can stay with him as he’s going to University there. The next day he ignores me, and so on. There’s more to the story but it’s so long.

I don’t know if I should talk to him now or leave it. He’s going on holiday on the 19th or this month so I won’t be able to talk to him till he gets back.

Even though we aren’t together I find myself hoping that he doesn’t find anyone at University or anywhere else. It hurts when I truly care for him, and he doesn’t know I exist.


ANSWER: Hi Mel,

I know it hurts ... it's probably happened to all of us one time or another.  

I can't really follow the story here and that's always a bad sign.  It sounds like there are too many people involved here, and not very good boundaries.  And your "friend" lied to him about you??

How was it left the last time you talked to him?  Write me back,
Susan

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Well erm, i cant remember =/ i just said if i dont talk to you before you go to Ibiza have a great time and he said thanks :) and i said no problem. And shes not my friend, i hate her.

Good news is we are talking now =D

The conversation went as follows;

Mel - So why can't you stay just long enough to explain? said:
Hey if i dont talk to you before you go... Have a great time in Ibiza  
 Christopher .... said:
thanks  
Mel - So why can't you stay just long enough to explain? said:
no problem
 
Mel - So why can't you stay just long enough to explain? says:
you dont hate me that much do you?  
 Christopher .... says:
no dont be silly
Mel - So why can't you stay just long enough to explain? says:
well Stratford did say loads of crap and stuff but sorry anyways, i shouldnt have got wound up about it i know what shes like  
 Christopher .... says:
yeh no problem ... i just got annoyed that id told you i hadnt said it n you kept sayin i had
Mel - So why can't you stay just long enough to explain? says:
i feel like an idiot i really do, she was just saying so much shit, and probably to you about me to, i got so upset about it all to.   shame i didnt see you when i came to Bpool though, i was there for 3 days.

And then he went offline. I so want to be the one to make him happy :(

Hmmmm well im going back up to where he lives at the end of july so. I guess ill have to see...

Answer
Well, hope you get a new beginning on this.  A lot has been said -- that can be water under the bridge, so to speak.  If you're going there at end of July, maybe you can contact him then, let bygones be bygones and see what happens.

Better -- always -- in person than writing, or even telephone.

Good luck!
Susan