Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 8/8/2007

Question
My Ex Boyfreind and I just broke up like a week and half ago. Since then I have been depressed and heartbroken but he still talks to me. I want him back more than anything but he broke it off saying he needs space and time to figure things out. And because his mom and Ex girlfriend whom he has a child with dont like me. We were together for 2 yrs and were to be married. I still want to marry him. I cant eat I cant sleep and cant stop thinking about him. When I see him he does tell me he loves me from time to time and says he wants me back but is scared cause we dated for 2 yrs and he says it didnt work. But I think it was just that we had finacial problems and our families. That and his family has a problem  with my past and doesnt want me around his daughter which I say is fine but he is iffy. How do I get him back???!!!

Answer
Dear Cindi,

I'm sorry this happened to you, and I can tell you are heartbroken.  I wish I could make it better.

It sounds like it would be a good idea to leave him alone and give him space.  He does need to figure some things out, like it isn't his mom and ex girlfriend who are dating you -- it is him. He can't make up his own mind??

You say you see him, and that's not clear to me.  If he comes back, it should be on your terms.  You can't have this going on, this on-again, off-again thing.  He is breaking your heart and wasting your time.  I know it is hard when you love him, but I would want to see him treat you better than he is.  It is torment to break it off and then be seeing you, and being ambivalent about it.  I don't know how to tell you to get through this time, because it's just plain hard.  We get through it as best we can.  

It does not work to "convince" a man of something, especially something like this.  And if you push in one direction, he's likely to push back in the other direction.  The best course of action is to wait it out.  In the meantime, be thinking yourself, very hard, if this is who you want when he treats you this way. This not wanting you around his daughter?  What is that all about?  

It may be that you have dodged a bullet here.

Best,
Susan