Expert: Azure - 4/18/2003

Question
I don't know where to start. I am a 32 year-old, black, single mother who has recently earned my doctorate degree (Ph.D.) I am just now getting back into the dating scene after focusing on my career. I sometimes hear the strikes against me (black, over 30, parent, independent...) Plus I am overweight, although I'm trying to lose. I still want to believe there is someone out there. I tried online dating...only got men who were looking for sex or married. I am really getting discouraged.

My questions: what can I do to increase my chances of finding someone given my "strikes?" Also, being a single parent for 10 years, is it better to stay single for my son's sake? Last, I am a little rusty. What is the best way to approach conversation with a guy I am interested in or who is flirting with me?

I am so confused about this whole thing now, I'm not even sure I asked the write questions.

any advice will be greatly appreciated

Answer
if finding someone is a priority, the first thing is to instead of "trying" to lose weight, just make it a priority to lose...when all is said and done, physical attraction is still the main attractor for men, especially at the beginning...aside from getting involved with people regarding whatever hobbies, and interests you enjoy, internet dating can still be a viable alternative..don't know where your past experience was, but places like "friendfinders", "match", "dreammates", "matchmaker", and a host of others do offer a way of introduction, but it can be a numbers game so you have to put some time and energy into it...your son shouldn't be a detriment to your desire to have a man in your life... conversationally, stay in the present, pay attention, ask questions, compliment, inject humor, look him in the eye, smile accordingly, and don't babble on about yourself or stuff he has nominal or no interest in..always be yourself, non-pretentious, considerate, feminine...follow the above and they'll be all over you like flies on sherbert..az