Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 5/16/2007

Question
so ive met this guy online, through a music forum. he lives not far away from me and so after talking to each other for half a year over the net, we decided to meet up at a concert we both wanted to see. we got along very well and decided to meet again, at another music event. after seeing each other in real life those two times, he shortly said that he would enjoy going out for a drink with me sometime. that was all. then we started exchanging very long emails. he reveals a lot in them, about himself, his life, etc. and he keeps telling and assuring me that we are both very similar. i like him very much, BUT - as i could observe him with his friends at the concert - he generally seems a very outgoing and friendly person. i am not sure if he maybe just wants me as a friend. furthermore, i am irritated by the fact that he did not set up a precise time of having the drink with me. does he have other girls around? is he just testing, playing me? or would an uninterested man not take the time to talk about his life and ask me personal things?

i am a bit confused. maybe you can help me.
thank you!  

Answer
Shared taste in music is one of the strongest redictors for a lasting relationship -- you are off to a good start.  However ... if you position yourself as available to listen to him, in almost a therapy-way, through long emails, you are allowing it to stay in a dreamy state.  Some guys who like music are "dreamers".  You are right in being annoyed he didn't nail it - i.e., ask you on a real date.  Cut back on what he's getting right now from you and make yourself delightful, but scarce and elusive.  Insist (inside yourself) that he ask you for a Real Date - at least Weds. for Sat. and ignore hints and confusing words.  Particularly don't believe a thing he says, and don't get your hopes up, unless there is action to back it up.  If you position yourself as not available for a long-term online 'affair', then he will have to change his behavior and take action -- IF he is interested in you.

I should advise you that there are many people online wanting all sorts of online things and being quite happy with that, and only that.  I mean you have a nice thing going on, and if that's all he wants, then there you have it.

If you want more, change your tact and start cutting him off and making his head in another direction.  This has mostly to do with your intentionality -- an EQ competency.  Otherwise, if you don't change your behavior, you'll keep getting what you've been getting!

Good luck,
Susan