Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 5/11/2007

Question
i have been with my gf for about a yr in which she has been through some major trauma within this time...i have tried my best the whole time to make her feel better about herself n show her how much i love her n what she means to me but every now n then i stuff uo n do something stupid...for examples. i have never cheated on her but one time i was huggin a girl n 1 of her friends thought it was a bit wrong..i know it wasnt but this person thought it was...jus recently i was havin an arguement with her n told her that ive had better relationships even though i know that i know she has been the most perfect girl 4 me...she says i have broken her heart 2 many time n cant be with me anymore...how can i win her back n make her see how good we r together??

Answer
Hi David,
You sound like a great guy with a good sense of humor.  I hope she'll take you back.  Ask her what would make her willing to try again.
Now, sir, I must add this.  You guys simply cannot imagine -- but you MUST - how bad it is when you ogle, hug, etc. other women.  It isn't that it's wrong, it's that we just can't take it, and there's no way to explain it, you just have to know it.  Make her know she's #1.  You two ought to be able to get through a fight or two, and we all slip.  It is just better to keep your eyes only on her when the two of you are out.  We know you look.  We DO NOT LIKE IT when you do it when you're with us.  It takes discipline, but is a small price to pay  You have plenty of time alone to 'look.'  Have a heart-to-talk and then listen to what she says.  Then do your best to do it.  Somehow I sense she isn't unreasonable, but that she is far more serious than you (usually opposites attract).  She doesn't take those things lightly, and you keep doing them, and you know the answer to that one.  It doesn't matter that it means nothing, or that you love only her, it's something she doesn't like, so quit doing it.  Get it?  
In other words, go back to her on her terms.  You will never get the most out of a lovely woman until you reassure her completely.  Why?  Women are that way, so JUST DO IT.
Best,
Susan