Expert: Azure - 4/25/2004

Question
I accept what you said that I may need to go up and introduce myself to him, but I really don't have any idea how to do that. I don't have such experience in approaching a guy. For your information, I am just a fresh graduate, age 21 that worked in Korean. And this guy is Koean of cause. Since I can't speak their language well and I don't have work contact with him, thats why I need help on some suggestion way on how can I know or start the first greeting with him. It may be a fantasy but fantasy will remain as fantasy if you didn't get any action on it. And I have to tell you one thing about the culture that I discoverd in my office. All of them seems not or will not talk with each other except work. Since everyone is coming from different office, their will only remain in their own work group even during lunch hour. Can you just help me to give me some idea on how can I make the first step? Thank you.

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Followup To
Question -
Hi, I thought this is a web service that will help us when we have problems in love? I am sending my question on the topic "How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams" right?
Now I have this crush in this guy and I am asking help from you so that I can know him. This is what I ask for. Of cause I am not loving him now, and I know I should get to know him first and then can only see can we have further relationship. I sent email to you because I thought you can help me out and teach me what should I do so that I can get to know him. I know I must know him first and it will be just fantasy if I don't even know him. Thats why I write this question to you. I thought you can teach me someway to get to know him.
I know that I am in fantasy now, but tell me who don't. When you meet someone who looks like the guy that you dream of? Tell me what you will do when you did meet someone like that? Just stay there and tell yourself its just a fantasy?
I am helpless and I need some guideline so that I can know him. Your reply didn't seem to help me anyway. Please direct this to some other people if you can't help me.

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Followup To
Question -
Hi, thanks a lot for your answer. Well, I agree what you said that I should make the first move to know him so that we can at least greet each other when we see each other everyday, but the problem is I don't know how to start one. Yes that I can see him everyday but there is no direct contact between us. He sit somewhere far behind of me and he sometimes will sit there the whole day because of work. And everytime, he walk pass me, he is on phone. He is too early in the office before I reach then he always go back later than me. In fact, I don't really have any chance to direct contact with him and I think it's too obvious if I just go to his desk and say hi to him. This might will frighten him off and think that I am such keen to know him.
I really like him, its all because of what've been told by my other collegue. She told me a lot about him and days and days after I start to like him very much. My this friend doesn't know him as well but he is her bf's friend. Though I can't know this guy through her cause she doesn't know him as well and her bf is not here but in other country.
Please give me some idea how can I have the chance to start the first greeting with him? I know I am no more high school junior but when love crush, sometimes we cannot control ourselve, like I can't help myself to look at him everyday. Please help me. Thanks a lot.

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Followup To
Question -
Hi, Irene here. I've been bordered by this emotion feeling for such a long time. I hope you can help me then. There is a guy in my office that is very nice looking. He is such cool and confident that I can't help myself to keep on looking at him everyday. Although we work at the same office but I never have the chance to know him cause we are from different company, our job is different and I can't speak his language well. I think he noticed that I look at him everyday because even myself I think my action is too obvious, especially when I purposely turn my head just to see him that is sitting far behind of me.
Since we do not have any connection in work, I really don't know how can I know him. He come to work very early in the morning and he leaves office quite late at night. It is impossible at all where we can meet on the way to the office or on the way back home. I really so depressed now and feel helpless. I don't know what to do so that I can know him or attract him to get to know me. Sometimes I feel so lost and upset when he didn't look at me when he walk pass me. Is it that because of he notice that I look at him everyday, thats why he is trying to avoid me?
Please I really need help. I can't help myself to think of everyday. I will feel so lost whenever I can't see him. I think I start to like him very much, cause I can be so happy if I can just see him or listen to his voice.
Please tell me how can I get to know him? What should I do so that I can be his friend and he won't feel that I take the action and so keen to know him. Cause I am quite conservative in this issue, I think girl should not go after guy eventhough you like him. But I don't want to loose the chance to know him just because of I am a girl and I should not take the first step. So, what should I do so that I can be his friend without shocking him? Thanks a lot.
Answer -
first you need to regain control of your emotions; this isn't junior high school; this is a guy you hardly know, and you've gone and built this huge fantasy around him...lower your expectations and stay grounded in the reality that this is just a co-worker you know nothing about...now, if you want to have ANY chance of bringing this into reality, you have to overcome your somewhat outdated belief that a female can't make the first move; put on the good perfume, dress and lipstick, go up to him, and start a conversation; once you "break the ice", it will become commonplace for you both to exchange greetings, at the very least; perhaps from this base, he will be motivated to do something more, but we're getting a little ahead of ourselves; first, adjust your attitude and prepare to make the initial contact, then write back...az    
Answer -
you don't get to know someone through the words of some friend; that information doesn't mean alot; and please, don't use the word "love" in relation to someone you don't know; have your "crush" if you must, but don't confuse it with anything to do with real love, which is primarily a "giving", not a feeling, and implies responsibility, respect, knowledge and care...again, i don't care if he's at a desk or sitting on the roof; unless you go up to him, introduce yourself, and start a conversation, this will NEVER be more than the la la fantasy that it is...
Answer -
you're not listening; i can't go up and start talking to him for you; my suggestion was from the beginning to go up, introduce yourself, and just make some "small talk", as it appears he's not interested enough to make a move toward you; if you didn't have such a hang up about him, i would have just said to lower your expectations and to leave it up to him, because usually if a guy is interested, he'll figure out a way to let you know; because it seems to be taking up too much of your thought, i suggested you take the initiative in order to see if this was worth pursuing, unless u want to live in "quiet desperation"..ps u we're the one that used the word "love"pps if it were me i'd realize it was just a physical attraction, wouldn't get my emotions, or expectations involved, until the person demonstrated a real interest in ME; now, what part of your question haven't i answered?  

Answer
you go up to him, put out your hand, and say "hi, i'm irene, and i just wanted to introduce myself, as i've noticed you around the office for quite a while.."..the next sentence could say something about any korean connection you might have, about work, or perhaps a compliment...hopefully he will be friendly and also ask YOU a couple of questions; after that, it's just like talking to anybody else...OR, you can personally hire me to come down and introduce you...