Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 2/14/2007

Question
Hi Susan,

I'm a 21 year old female who is strongly attracted to a classmate. Last semester I had him for a class and that's when it all started.  He made the initial eye contact and stared but I gave him the cold sholder and glanced away, I don't know why I did that.  I guess I was nervous. Ever since after that day, when I would run into him he wouldn't really acknowledge me or if there was eye contact he would look at me seriously, even after I tried giving him a half smile.  I know that's something I have to work on. This semester I have him in another class.  I'm not one who approaches.  Both classes that I had him in were lecture halls.  This semester's class he sometimes sits in the row behind me or two rows behind. I don't know if he's interested, I just assume he would approach me if he was. My ex approached me even after I gave him the same look, but I understand everyone is different. I'm working on my nice factor by smiling more but I haven't had the courage to flash him a smile yet. What are some ways that I can build up the courage to finally do it? tips or techniques, if any? And also what are some subtle ways that I can catch his attention and let him know that I'm interested?   Thank you so much for your time.  

Answer
Big topic and you really need some coaching.  It would be well worth your money.

Failing that, observe "warm" people.  What they do and how they are.  It can be learned, though it really has to come from the heart.  You can't be self-absorbed and driven by old fears and hurts, and be warm.  There might be something here about your "ex" that you haven't resolved.  You're still scared of being hurt again, and therefore not ready to be emotionally involved again.  That has to heal.  

Wamrth and smiles work best from the heart.  Warm your heart up!  Think about HIM, not  you.  It took guts for that first approach.  You can't blame him for reacting to the cold shoulder, and you may not be able to over-ride that.  He saw what he saw.  NEXT TIME, maybe with another guy, get your head on straight about what it is you want.  There's no reason to give most people the cold shoulder ... when you say "nice factor" there's a touch of flippancy there, and you know (courage) that it's fear-driven.  Do some more healing work within yourself, so you can let your light shine.  We've all been hurt, and after a while you learn to open up and love again.  It you don't have the courage to flash him a smile, you don't.  Accept it and realise that more healing is needed.  The first step is to realize your actual feelings and to sit with it, ie., you are not ready.  Until you acknowledge that, there can be no forward movement.

Coaching!!

Warm regards,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc