Expert: Azure - 5/8/2006

Question
There is this guy that I really like.  He was married for 12 years.  I have been married too.  We have know each other since october and are good friends.  We have dinner together, watch movies together, talk on the phone and so on and so forth. Yes, we have even had sex more than once but we are still only friends.  I would like to take the relationship to the next level, like say maybe boyfriend/girlfriend but I dont think that he is ready or if he is ready he is scared.  How can I get him to take the next step.  How can I become more involved with him without scaring him off.  If I call him am I being to forward or obvious or making him think that I am desperate and needy. If I ask him to dinner like at a restaurant instead of just my house is that being too pushy like a date and what if I want it to be a date

Answer
since you've known more than 6 months, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to express your feelings and ask him about his, in an open, honest, informative discussion as to the status/future of your current "friendly" arrangement, especially as it includes sleeping together; i don't buy the "not ready", or "scared" excuses, seeing he has little problem enjoying the "fruits" of the relationship; let guys drift while supplying them with the cream off the top as it were, and many will be content with this commiment-free arangement til the cows come home; if you want more, you have to make your expectations into reasonable requirements, and inform him of same; the few things you mention would be bare MINIMUMS of what could/should be on your request list; him just coming over for dinner/sex is not my definition of a friendship, but of casual, no-strings dating; thusly, there's no reason for you to continue to receive less than you deserve; inform him of the new guidelines ASAP; if he declines, you'll know he was in it for all the wrong reasons..