Expert: Azure - 10/17/2002

Question
Dear Azure
I'm a 19-year-old chick and about a year ago I ended a two year relationship, because I just wasn't physically attracted to him anymore and we were stuck in a terrible routine, plus I was only 18 and I felt like I was missing out on having a life. He kept me on a leash, if you know what I mean. He was very possessive.
But at the same time, I felt stable and secure with this guy. And I would give anything to have that sort of rock-solid relationship again. Obviously not with him, but with someone else. It seems like there are no decent guys around. And the decent ones have girlfriends. My friends and relatives always lecture me because I go out with complete idiots. My last boyfriend treated me like shit, called me names and bossed me around. The one before that was a serious drug user and I just wasn't a priority. I'm beginning to think there is something really wrong with me. Why have I lowered myself to these standards, and why the hell can't I find a normal, decent guy? Where have they all gone? I've even tried those online match maker things but none of them are free!
Please reply ASAP.
love, Kelly

Answer
some online stuff is close to free; Dreammates only charges per your response, but if you're female, guys will be paying to respond to YOU..looking at the broader picture, you need to realize that it's better to not go out with anyone than waste your time on jerks...there's nothing that says you will die if you don't have a boyfriend, or a date...best thing to do is focus on developing your life, your interests, your future...more suitable guys will appear naturally as you meet them just by doing the things you want to do...i'd also go to the bookstore and get a book on self-esteem; it may explain why you're willing to settle for less than you deserve....nice guys are out there, but you need to be patient, while in the meantime upgrading yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically, so you'll be better equipped to attract their attention, or if necessary, live happily without them...az