Expert: Rhapsody Love - 1/25/2007

Question
I work in construction.  Occassionally I go to site.  There is a guy there I would like to get to know but I am unsure of how to do it.  Because my visits are infrequent and (i suspect) I am the only female, I am never introduced around so he probably has no idea who I am or even noticed me.  I manage the contract under which they are working.  I do not know where he is in his spare time.  How do I go about attracting him to approach me?  I would never be the first to approach because I am fearful that this would seem so unprofessional and cause some talk on the site.  

Answer
Petrina,

You don't know where he goes after work and you don't want to approach him during work? I don't think much will happen then. How do you know he's available? He could be married, right? Unless you have access to the bios of all the workers, but that wouldn't tell you if he has a girlfriend or is engaged.

If you date him or show interest in him, it will get around, so either forget about it or give up the concern about what people will say, unless you can slip him your phone number while it looks like you're talking business with him and say "call me", but still there is no promise that he won't say something or someone will overhear. It is a typical thing for a single person to ask about the possible availability of other people at work. "Do you know ______?" would be the first discreet question to someone you think you can trust. If he does, you can then ask if he knows if he's single.

Can you afford a few pitchers of beer for the crew? I don't know how big the crew is, but you could invite them to a nearby pub after work for beer and he might show up and you could talk to him to get to know him better. You could start with talking about how long he's been working for that company or how long he's been in construction and how he got into it (was his father in it?) and then move to more personal topics. If he hasn't revealed about a wife or girlfriend before leaving, you can ask if he has someone he's going home to.

Don't know if either one of those things will work, but you can't count on the guy making the move. Some guys are just very shy and those guys often make very good husbands. Just do it as subtley as possible.

Good luck!

- Joyce