Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/26/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hi Dennis,

I'm a 25 year old female who loves all types of music (although I'm not going into music, I'm getting a doctorate in something else) and recently I emailed the guitarist of my favorite hard rock/heavy metal band (and yes they are really famous, yes you've heard of them, so absolutely no names mentioned ok lol) and he actually wrote back, which is so awesome. Plus he has facebook and we talk through there, which is pretty crazy...out of the thousands of fans he actually does reply. However his email and facebook is kind of hush hush, almost none of his fans know it, the reason I know is because i saw his business card for giving guitar lessons. so we've been talking quite often.

He is 37 years old, one of the best guitarists on earth (he is featured sometimes in guitar world magazine) tours the world, and is still single. he seems like a workaholic, he is always writing songs with his band, and he teaches many students how to play guitar, so he's a pretty busy guy. he says he doesnt get out much, his whole life revolves with music. oh yeah and he is GORGEOUS he looks like a supermodel. despite all his success, he is very friendy and very down to earth and does not have the typical snooty asshole jerk attitude that a rock star would have, and is always willing to help others out and is very humble. he never talks about girls or makes any flirtatious comments about girls ever. (he is not gay, i know he is straight) he doesnt seem to be too much into the groupie thing though, he seems to take playing guitar and teaching his students very seriously.

So i'm wondering...how does a gorgeous, successful guy with all that going for him...still be single at 37? he is quite a catch...i dont get it...shoudnt girls be all over him?

why do you think he is not married yet?

ANSWER: Hello Ana!

You seem to equate being single with failure. They are totally unrelated. Further, how do you know that girls aren't all over him? In fact, the best players NEVER show what's going on around them.

Think about this: if you thought he was just working all these girls, would you have the same interest in him that you do now? Of course not.

Many women equate being in a solid, committed, long-term relationship as success; and in fact, there's some validity to that. However, there are many forms of success.

Another aspect to consider is this: marriage isn't exactly "kind" to men. We guys are not designed to be monogamous by nature. We're designed to have multiple partners and to change things up quite a bit. This is nature's way of insuring our species continues.

The "pair bond" - where couples merge for life - is actually a very new concept in human history. This concept has only been around for about 0.67% of human history! That means that for over 99.9% of the time we've been on this planet, we've been doing things differently.

Creating pair bonds works well for females of human and other mammillian species, but it is contrary to the biological programming built into males. In fact, it causes great stress on us!

Being single - when you enjoy your own company - gives you the ability to be with many people and gain from them too. It's its own form of success.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: From what I've told you...

1. Do you think this man is very wise?

2. Would most smart women avoid pursuing a relationship with this type of man? (rock star, etc)

3. What's the best way to attract a guy who is interested in ME and digs me as a person, and not just off to find the next best thing? (usually men in their 20s do this, men in their 30+ don't do this as much)

Answer
Hello again Ana!

1. I don't know him. I don't know if he's wise or not.

2. No. Many smart women do foolish things too.

3. Date men in their 30's.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"