Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 6/18/2007

Question
Hi,
I was dating this guy for a short while, whom I really loved very much, and it seemed that he loved me very much too, but he broke up with me suddenly one day, which was very hurtful. Now today, months after we have broken up, he randomly emails me and says how much he misses me and loves me. I don't get it. Why would he contact me now, 6 months after breakup up and not ever really checking to see how I was doing, saying all this stuff? From your experience, what do you know about these types of situations.

Answer
Dear Joanna,

I'm sorry this happened to you.  I hear about this sort of thing all the time, and it has also happened to me!  I don't know the particulars of what he wrote you, but it sounds like just his feelings.  In which case, don't you want to reply, "And so?"  There should be some ACTION in this.  He wasn't very concerned earlier about YOUR feelings, and now you get this??

I mean did he write about setting up a date, getting together, or having a talk?  Was there any hint of ACTION in there?

The best thing to do is just ignore it.  He could be what we call a "stringer" - and string you along indefinitely.  I've seen women hooked into this for months, years.  The stringer keeps the 'relationship' at a certain distance - not a real relationship, but they also won't let go.  You move forward, he moves back.  He moves back, you move forward.  And it goes nowhere. If you get back into it (just a correspondence??) it will be "please release me, let me go."

He's got to show you more than this, so just ignore this one. Don't deal with guys who aren't clear about their intentions.  It will mess up your mind and cause heartache.  You already went through this with him.    

Should, of course, there be something more intentional than this, write me back.  Otherwise, just ignore it and get on with your life.  

Best,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc