Expert: Azure - 5/8/2005

Question
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Followup To
Question -
attracting the  man of my dreams.

how can i do that when I am  a black female, ugly and overweight and shy? I can't cook, I am messy, I liek to stay home and watch tv  and eat, I am  more an introiverted  person and   I have a body  odor that I tried to solve by putting more deodorant, taking more showers but still....

Plus I am easy,   I don't say no to men that easily and now I have a very bad reputation thanks to my ex who   tell to the world how i made love,  he post all the details on the net without saying my name,  but I know it was him, I ocnfronted him  and  ...

When I felt ridiculed, bullied,  i destriyed myself by sleeping around, feeling ashamed,  feeling dirty, having suicidal thoughts, because i was hurt by his indiscretion and also   his total disrespect, and  now everybody treat me  bad.

So how can  I fat black woman, ugly and easy  find a  soulmate? Tell me becaue I  want to meet that guy who will  treat me right no matter what i did in the past.

I  don't want to be slim,  I like being big but  I don't like my belly and my arms. I had a c-section  and my  belly looks horrible, I hate to see me naked because of that belly and also  i don't like my arms, too flabby. My breasts are not firm but  I like them anyways because they are still sensitive.

But I am really discouraged to find a man who will like me for me, no matter what I look like and what I did in the past.

any hints?
Answer -
to attract nicer guys, you have to appear attractive; if you're not willing to do what it takes, you won't be meeting very many decent guys; either accept the fact that staying in the state you're in has it's price, or change your thinking and start making changes..  


okay,  so you mean that because I am   overweight and  not beautiful, i will  only attract jerks?  

well, that   is very   strange as an advice  an dou are entitle dtop your opinion. But since in my  past I have been a slut, let's be real in here, what  can I do to keep the interest  of a good man?   In fact   what I want is to be respected, i have been in some relationships which werent that bad , but I want love and respect in a relationship, so how can  I attract  those kind of men, with my big self?   Halle berry is a beautiful wopman but look at her marriages: disaster. I don't think being pretty  means being happy, or being slim  meaning   never being cheated on, because some men with skinny women  cheated on them with me, which means I am  attractive in a way,  so  how can I  attract  the man, teh decent respectful man in my life who will respect the fact that I love to eat, and that I am tender and loving ?  

Answer
you say you want respect, but it will be hard to gain it when you're perceived as not havng respect for yourself;  i'm not talking about natural beauty; however, we ALL have the capacity to realize our potential in various life areas; not many men are going to be attracted to the package you now offer--i didn't create the fact that men are visual creatures; a guy that values appearance/personal care, probably won't be attracted to someone he perceives as NOT caring about same..if you're still unwilling to change, id suggest seeking out overweight guys with the same lifesyle and philosophy as yourself (i'm sure there's internet dating sites that cater to that), but it won't be easy..