Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 11/2/2007

Question
QUESTION: What are some things women can do to make a man happy? (Assuming this is a man that genuinely loves you, not a player, womanizer, cheater, user, etc) Oh yeah and I'm also talking about clinically SANE men - no psychos. (oh what fun they are at first...until you find out what they're really like)

But ok. Let's say you're in a relatoinship with a guy for a while and/or married or in a relationship leading to getting married etc...

what are some things the woman can do to keep the man happy with her? i see all these women like jennifer aniston getting dumped for angelina etc...but it happens in real life all the time too not just celebrity people.

like how do you stop having other women seduce your guy away?

i guess being good in bed is one thing...but there are women who are great in bed and STILL have their men stolen away...by women whom they build a stronger emotional, intellectual connection with...

do you think this is due to the possiblity having many different levels of attraction?

like there are some men that i find physically or sexually attractive...others charismatic, nice personality...and others intellectually stimulating...like a smart nerdy guy who is ugly yet totally turns me on. id like to find a man with ALL those qualities...but good men (and women) are hard to find as we all know.

last...do you think there is some one out there for every body?

im tired of being alone :(

oh yeah...and I'm 25...what do you think is the oldest and youngest age range of men that I should successfully date without clashing radically?

because an 16 year old and a 95 year old have different outlooks and experiences obviously...

sorry for the multi part questions...just wondering

ANSWER: Dear Leanne,
I will do the best I can here, in this short space.  I encourage you to get coaching so we can work on this more, an individual to your situation.  Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .  Now, I have to use capitals here because there's no other way!

What are some things women can do to make a man happy? (Assuming this is a man that genuinely loves you, not a player, womanizer, cheater, user, etc) Oh yeah and I'm also talking about clinically SANE men - no psychos. (oh what fun they are at first...until you find out what they're really like)

But ok. Let's say you're in a relatoinship with a guy for a while and/or married or in a relationship leading to getting married etc...

what are some things the woman can do to keep the man happy with her? i see all these women like jennifer aniston getting dumped for angelina etc...but it happens in real life all the time too not just celebrity people.

like how do you stop having other women seduce your guy away?

i guess being good in bed is one thing...but there are women who are great in bed and STILL have their men stolen away...by women whom they build a stronger emotional, intellectual connection with...

DON'T PAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO WHAT THE 'STARS' DO, AS THEIR LIVES ARE VERY DIFFERENT ... AND NOT ALWAYS THAT PLEASANT, AS YOU HAVE NOTICED.
WHAT MAKES A RELATIONSHIP LAST IS BEING WILLING TO WORK ON IT THROUGH ITS UPS AND DOWNS.  RESPECT AND COMMON CONSIDERATION ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU MIGHT IMAGINE.  TREATING THEM WELL, LEARNING HOW TO 'ARGUE' CONSTRUCTIVELY AND WITH LOVE ...

do you think this is due to the possiblity having many different levels of attraction?

like there are some men that i find physically or sexually attractive...others charismatic, nice personality...and others intellectually stimulating...like a smart nerdy guy who is ugly yet totally turns me on. id like to find a man with ALL those qualities...but good men (and women) are hard to find as we all know.  NOBODY IS PERFECT, JUST LIKE YOU AND ME AREN'T.  IT IS HELPFUL TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU LIKE, AND WHAT HAS WORKED FOR YOU IN THE PAST.  FOR ME, FOR INSTANCE, I LIKE A CLEAN AND ATTRACTIVE GUY, BUT LOOKS ARE NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.  INNER QUALITIES, VALUES AND THEIR PRIORITIES MATTER A LOT.  ARE THEY HONEST?  RESPECTFUL TO YOU?  KIND TO OTHERS?  DEVOTED AND INTERESTED IN MARRIAGE AND FAMILY?  THINGS LIKE THAT.  THEY MATTER MORE OVER TIME.  I LIKE A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST ... BECAUSE AFTER THE PIZZAZZ DIES DOWN, YOU WILL BE HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH THEM!  

last...do you think there is some one out there for every body?  YES, AND PROBABLY MORE THAN ONE PERSON.  

KEEP PONDERING WHAT QUALITIES YOU LIKE IN A GUY AND WHY.  REMEMBER THAT THEIR VALUES ARE V. IMPORTANT.  FOR INSTANCE, THERE ARE ALWAYS WOMEN AROUND TRYING TO 'SEDUCE' A MAN, BUT SOME MEN ARE NOT SEDUCEABLE ONCE THEY HAVE MADE A COMMITTMENT.  THAT'S THE KIND I LIKE, DON'T YOU?  THEY ARE DEVOTED TO YOU, AND THAT'S THAT.  THAT IS A COMMITTMENT THAT YOU MAKE IN YOUR HEART, AND WOULDN'T YOU WANT A GUY LIKE THAT?  TEMPERAMENT MATTERS A LOT TOO.  SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOU FEEL RELAXED AND GOOD ABOUT THINGS, AND ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOURSELF.  

im tired of being alone :(

oh yeah...and I'm 25...what do you think is the oldest and youngest age range of men that I should successfully date without clashing radically?  WELL, I WOULDN'T GO TOO FAR EITHER WAY.  IT'S HARD TO SAY, BUT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT THAT LARGE AGE DIFFERENCES OFTEN DO NOT WORK OUT.  THERE ARE OLDER MEN WHO LIKE TO DATE YOUNG WOMEN, BUT AS TIME GOES BY, FROM WHAT I HEAR AND SEE, IT DOESN'T WORK OUT WELL.  

because an 16 year old and a 95 year old have different outlooks and experiences obviously...  GOOD THINKING!!  PERSONALLY I ALWAYS HAVE DATED MEN RIGHT AROUND MY OWN AGE, AND FOUND THAT MOST PLEASANT.  FOR ONE THING, AT YOUR AGE, YOU WANT MARRIAGE AND KIDS, I IMAGINE, AND SAY YOU GOT WITH A 40 YEAR OLD WHO ALREADY HAD KIDS.  HE MIGHT NOT WANT MORE.  HIS CAREER WOULD BE IN A DIFFERENT PLACE, AND HIS ENERGY LEVEL WOULD BE DIFFERENT.  HOW ABOUT 5 YEARS APART?  WHAT DO YOU THINK?  THESE ARE GOOD QUESTIONS.  

sorry for the multi part questions...just wondering

NOT AT ALL.  THEY ARE THE KIND OF QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD BE ASKING.  MEN GET SEDUCED BY OTHER WOMEN BECAUSE THEY ARE WILLING TO BE.  THE QUALITIES THAT MAKE FOR A GOOD MARRIAGE ARE - FIRST AND FOREMOST- VALUING IT AND BEING WILLING TO WORK ON IT AND ENJOY IT, THROUGH THE UPS AND DOWNS.  

I HOPE THIS IS HELPFUL.  YOU ARE DEFINITELY ONTHE RIGHT TRACK.

Warm regards,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc - email me if you would like coaching.  I recommend it!



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: If you are a virgin, is it a good idea to date and/or marry a man who is a virgin? It is harder and  harder for me to find men my age (25) who are still virgins...

Is it a good idea to avoid men who have been married previously and have children/step children from previous marriages?

Why is it that good relatoinships with bad sex lives usually end, but bad relationshships with great sex lives usually work out?

Answer
Dear Leanne,

If you are a virgin, is it a good idea to date and/or marry a man who is a virgin? It is harder and  harder for me to find men my age (25) who are still virgins...  WELL IT'S NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, AND HARD TO FIND IN A MALE.  THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS IF HE PLANS TO BE FAITHFUL TO THE WOMAN HE MARRIES.

Is it a good idea to avoid men who have been married previously and have children/step children from previous marriages?  IT WOULD MAKE LIFE EASIER.  THE MORE SIMILAR IN BACKGROUND AND VALUES THE TWO OF YOU ARE THE BETTER AND THE EASIER.  ESPECIALLY AT YOUR AGE, LOOK FOR ONE WHO HAS NOT ALREADY BEEN DIVORCED ... IT'S NOT A GOOD TRACK RECORD!!  AND TAKING ON SOMEONE ELSE'S KIDS IS VERY DIFFICULT.

Why is it that good relatoinships with bad sex lives usually end, but bad relationshships with great sex lives usually work out?  THAT IS NOT TRUE.  IT'S JUST THAT THOSE ARE THE ONES WE TEND TO HEAR ABOUT -- ALTHOUGH NOT ME.  I HEAR ABOUT THE ONES WHERE THEY LOVE EACH OTHER, ARE DEVOTED TO THEIR LIFE TOGETHER, AND SEX IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.  IN FACT THERE ARE SOME MARRIAGES WHERE NOT MUCH GOES ON IN THAT AREA.  YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED.  THE PIZZAZZ DIES DOWN AFTER A WHILE, AND THEN IT'S CLOSENESS AND AFFECTION.  GRANTED THERE ARE ARGUMENTS ABOUT IT, BUT IT'S THE INITIAL ATTRACTION THAT COUNTS ... AND OTHER THINGS.  iT'S A MATTER OF WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO EACH OF YOU, AND MOST OF ALL TO BOTH OF YOU.

Best,
Susan Dunn