Expert: Azure - 8/31/2004

Question
This past year,I resolved to search for a lasting love and met/dated numerous men. I became involved with one intimately but this ended, so I started anew. One evening, several weeks ago, I went out to a nightclub(not my usual haunt)with no expectations other than  to enjoy the evening and met this incredibly sweet man. Within a short time of meeting him, I had this overwhelming urge to kiss his cheek,his lips..and did so. We spent a magical night together but without intercourse and had breakfast the next day. I learned he was 37,never married, no kids..and looking for a girlfriend. He called that evening and as we sat outside talking, he revealed that his parents had divorced and that he did not love his father. hmmm...I knew when he opened his door why I had kissed him..he looked incredible! I went away for a week and when I returned, he called me early the next morning and invited me over. A friend of his arrived, as did his stepfather who was visiting for the week.  Consequently, we didn't get to talk much, one on one.  We did go for dinner later on however.  He told me that when he had been younger, he had been terrified of girls and very shy but that he was now very comfortable with himself and his body etc..He asked me about the kind of books I read..if I had ever considered going to the artic..that was one of his dreams.  We eventually went back to his place where I mentioned my ex and how he must now be very happy as he was with someone he loved. I was reticent towards his advances, not because I didn't want him but because I wanted reassurance from him that he wasn't going to be like the last guy. I believe I miscommunicated to him my feelings and that he ended up thinking I was still yearning for my ex. I left there feeling I would never hear from him again.  In fact, he phoned a couple of days later but I wasn't at home. I didn't return his call and I just assumed he would phone back.  Well, he has not. Here I am, a middleaged woman who still asks the question..did he like me? Once a long time ago, a similar thing happened to me and I always regretted that I didn't attempt to clarify my feelings.  Since then, I have been involved in a series of unfullfilling relationships with men, mostly because they persued me.  I think he was a man of integrity, but shy and in need of encouragement as I was in need of assurance.  Why is it I can talk to a room full of people but can't seem to find the right words when I am one on one.  Do I just forget this happened or should I contact him and tell him how I felt.  Do I risk rejection?  

Answer
i think you should call; since even with your explanation, i don't quite understand what happened, maybe he doesn't either; he DID call, but as i read it, you were the one that didn't call back, so he may be feeling YOU weren't all that interested; since what you're feeling now doesn't appear much better than "rejection", i'd say you have more to gain than lose by calling; just go over what happened, clear up any misunderstandings, tell him you'd like to still see him, and see if he feels similarly..