Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 10/7/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hello,

I met a very nice gentleman I was interested in and he asked for my number and gave me his. He was very educated and very intellectual, exceedingly polite and dressed very classy. Both of us have doctoral degrees.

He texted me at 11:30 pm on Thursday night asking me out for the weekend but I was already asleep. The next day (Friday) we talked on the phone but we couldn't really talk since we were both at work. He texted me numerous times during the day and asked me if we wanted a date for Saturday. He called my phone but it was off, so he left a voicemail saying that he was free tomorrow (Saturday) and to let him know if I wanted to get together. I didn't get off work until 10 pm...so I called him back then and got his voicemail, left a message.

Saturday came, he didn't call me, so I texted him, no response, then I called him (but didn't leave a message) no response. I guess it's kinda like he stood me up, not sure.

From your experience in life, what do you think happened.

He's not interested? Or was he just keeping his options open for Saturday, that's why he contacted me late Saturday night, but he found some other girl already to spend his saturday with, so he blew me off?

I'm surprised a mature older man with advanceed degrees would just blow a girl off.

All he had to do was just text me and say he couldn't make it. Would've taken 5 seconds.

let me know what you think - thanks -

ANSWER: Dear Ana,
Strange ... I don't know why, but there are erratic signs there.  Txt msg for a date at 11:30 pm on a Thursday night?  Strange to begin with.  He sounds unsure of himself, too eager, then backing off.  Inconsistent behavior like that is not a good sign.  Also that he would ask for a date by txt msg (people are braver in writing than in person.)  Intellect, being older, any given profession and Ph.D.s are no guarantee of stability or emotional intelligence (EQ).  Don't waste your time trying to figure it out.  Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet.  

Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc

Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks for youre personal and professional development, http://www.susandunn.cc .

Susan is the author of DATING SUCCESS MANUAL FOR WOMEN, http://tinyurl.com/6ny55 .  

Email for information - sdunn@susandunn.cc

I coach, you win!


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: We live really far away from each other too. I don't have a car and I live out in the middle of nowhere in a secluded area where there are no buses or public transportation around, so I have to get rides from friends, if he wanted to come over to visit me it would take him almost 2+ hours driving to reach me. And gas is REALLY expensive here too. That's a lot of gas...and time...and driving.

I'm thinking the 2 hour commute might be what turned him off? Even if we met halfway it would still take both of us 1+ hours to drive to a meeting point.

Or you think he's a womanizer?

Answer
Hmmm, I see you are still trying to figure it out. What's up with that?

I do not know, but it's just not a good sign that he backed off like that, and would not return phone or text message.  

If you read this column often, you will see many hits and misses like this.  It sounds to me from what I hear, phone numbers are exchanged all the time and nothing comes of it.  That's just the way it is.  

Even if not a "womanizer," if you read the male comlumnists, you will read that some men (many men??) just have a big time "dating" (probably a lot more than women do) and don't take it all that seriously.  

There's not a woman reading this now who hasn't given her phone number to some man and never heard from him again.

To answer your specific questions ... (1)  If he knew the drive was that long and it bothered him, why would he have asked you?  (2)  I don't think either you or I have enough information to know whether he's a "womanizer."

Warm regards,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc

Coaching, internet courses and ebooks for your personal and professional enhancement.  

Susan is the author of DATING SUCCESS MANUAL FOR WOMEN,  http://tinyurl.com/6ny55 .

For more information, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .  

Coach training and certification program, no-residency.