Expert: Rhapsody Love - 7/20/2006

Question
I have been in a three year relationship that is coming to a slow and painful end. It is me that is going to end it for many reasons, among which is an attraction to an old high school friend. Nothing has happened yet, but I feel such an attraction and connection with this friend. I think about him constantly. I realize this may all be in my head and its a risk, but I want to try dating him. He professed attraction to me several months ago, but now he is dating around. Once I am officially single, how can I approach this. I don't want to be aggressive,but don't want to lose this chance because of waiting to long to act on it.

Answer
Az,

How do you know your present relationship is really over? Your old high school friend knows you've had this long relationship and might not want to date you if he thinks you're still in a relationship. If you leave this guy you've been in a relationship with for a long time in such a way that really hurts him, he could spread some ugly stories about you that could make other guys not want to date you. If you hurt one guy after a long relationship, how will they know you won't do the same to them? How does this old high school friend know that you won't do it to him? Trust is important in a life long relationship.

First you need to explore exactly what went wrong in this relationship and why you're ending it. You need to end it in a way that he won't be too badly hurt; hopefully he can still be friends with you or at least not be enemies.

There is no way to know if anyone will truly want to be with you. You might want to explore if he's really your type. Reading personality type and relationship books might also help you learn what went wrong in your present relationship. You can start by taking the personality tests to find out what your own type is:

http://www.keirsey.com/

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

(If you like Enneagrams try "Are You My Type, Am I Yours?" by Elizabeth Wagele and Renee Baron <http://wagele.com/type.html>)

I also like Linda Goodman's "Love Signs;":

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=ISO-8859-1&as_qdr=all&q=%22Linda+Goodm...

though I am skeptical about astrology, I find this is surprisingly
realistic (it certainly couldn't hurt to check it out). BTW, this is a Google search link because the links I've chosen in the past have disappeared - sorry it's so long. Here's a shorter one.:

http://tinyurl.com/r2o0

Now if you really think he's your type, don't be afraid of being too aggressive. You may have learned something from these books that will tell you how to better approach him. If it was meant to be, he will be available later. If you pounce on him too early, you could be sorry later.

Good luck!

- Joyce