Expert: Rhapsody Love - 3/10/2007

Question
Hello,

My boyfriend and I work together but not in the same department. He told me about a month ago that "we need a break" in order to get his head cleared and his career back on track. Since that is very ambiguous phrase and definitely not the best sign, I assumed he was breaking up with me but didn't close the door on him totally just in case he decided to come back. I wasn't waiting around for him or anything, but he was a really good man and he treated me really well and really took good care of me and loved me very much so I had to take that into consideration...I know that is hard to find nowadays.

So after he said he needed that break I pretty much disappeared from his life and hit the road running. Out of sight, out of mind. I didn't contact him or anything. but I had this feeling he would be back. You know why? He is an extremely strong individual but he told me once "my only weakness is women" LOL. Well my only weakness is men. Dammit! LOL!!!

Anyway so I hadn't seen him for a month. Then I ran into him the other day at Subway and said hi but I didn't linger around to talk to him. So then out of the blue the next day he text messages me asking how i'm doing. Then we started emailing back and forth and he said he would be playing guitar for some of my guy friends, and he wanted me to come see him. I said the only way I was coming is if he was going to serenade me, and he said fair enough, he would start working on that song immediately.

Ok so is he just trying to make things cool between us and be friends since it was awkward for a while. Or does he want me back as a girlfriend?

Answer
It's hard to tell on the world wide web, but the "Subway" remark makes it sound like we're from the same culture and, though our culture is an amalgamation and not always explicit, "serenading" has always been used in romantic references to my knowledge. You have every reason to believe the latter. If there's a miscommunication, it's on his side, not yours. If I were you, I'd assume the best intentions.

If you hear "we need a break" again in the future, don't assume and flea, talk to him. Why do you need a break? What are you breaking from? What are you going to? If the relationship is to become lifelong, you can't keep taking breaks. Most lifelong relationships include owning or renting a house or condo together and other joint financial arrangements, so taking a break physically becomes more difficult. You have to find new ways to accomplish the same thing.

Sometimes the difficult part in a lifelong relationship is clearly communicating when you're taking a break, how you're taking a break, and when and how it will end. We often just pay less attention to each other and find time for our own endeavors and friends, which sometimes becomes a pattern of neglect of the relationship which never ends. This is often fatal, making the potential lifelong relationship limited. All of us who are in such a relationship have to be intentional about coming back from our breaks and to "serenade" each other from time to time.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

- Joyce