Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 1/6/2007

Question
I am foreigner in this country and i am alone, I got a job, then my boss start being so kind to me and teaching me each and every thing about my profession, after 2 months we get very close, but after getting close he start to ignore me some how, I didn’t ask him why but it effect so bad on mine
Now i have to see him every day but i don’t want to have same feeling for him any more, I want to forget him. To ignore him
Please help me


Answer
Dear Sara,

I'm sorry about this, I know it's hard.  Turn on, turn off, not knowing what's going on.  

You might be happier just leaving and finding another job.  Failing that, try and put it out of your mind, or use mind tricks.  I assume it's "mind tricks" or coping measures you are after.

Here are some.  When you must see him, take deep breaths.  Think of the negative stuff about him when you're alone, not the stuff you like so much.  When you see him, picture an animal like a donkey or something ludicrous.  You need to put up your Plexiglas shield, in other words.  The way to ignore him is to ignore him and you have to put your mind in that place.  Think of other things.  Make up a mantra that's silly and say it when you must be around him.  Quote the alphabet if nothing else.  In other words, engage the neocortex - the thinking brain, and go "cold."  Ignore the emotional content.  

You might want some EQ coaching to learn more about this, as you'll need it all your life.

Distract yourself and your emotions is the key.  You can learn how to do this.

Oh, and reward yourself when it goes well.  (and ignore it when it doesn't).  Dwell on the times you do well, and repeat them.

Learn from it.  Did you "get your hopes up" early on.  Mixed signals?  Learn from this.  Don't fabricate where men are concerned.  You'll end up like this, with dashed hopes.  

Sorry about this,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc