Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 4/17/2007

Question
hie Susan! you are doing excellent job and that makes me to write you.although its not easy to put in words briefly but here it is. am 28yrs old and my friend is 35yrs old.we are very good friends but then i felt am feeling some special feelings for my friend.iam in love with my friend my friend also adores me as friend i told him about my feelings but somehow he don't want to marry to any body. can i make him mine ? can i make him marry 2 me? i know he respects me lot and adores me he care for me. don't know how 2 win his heart and marry him. plz help!!! plz!!!

Answer
Hi Rum,

Thanks for the affirmation.  I love my work and helping people.

You want your friend to fall in love with you and marry you ... and I want to double my income this year!  All I can do is take the steps that lead in that direction.  There is no guarantee because the success depends upon other people, not just me doing the right thing (and not doing the wrong thing).  This applies even moreso in the realm of emotions and personal relationships.  To answer your questions ... and I know how it feels ...

can i make him mine ? No, not without his full cooperation.

can i make him marry 2 me?  No, not without his full cooperation.

I write about how to attract them.  You can't manufacture feelings.  You can't fall out of love with him, no matter how you talk to yourself rationally.  The same goes for him.  He feels what he feels.  

Unfortunately this is a situation where, so to speak, you can't do anything "right" (and MAKE it happen) but you can do something "wrong' (and drive him away).  

The best course of action is to remain pleasant and enjoy his company and let him enjoy yours.  Do not initiate anything physical or discuss marriage or committment or anything serious.  You already have and you see where it got you.  Big lesson in life -- if something doesn't work, we tend to do more or it harder, and that doesn't work.  "Try something different."  Make yourself a bit more scarce and less available.  Men fall in love with the spaces.   Be easy to be with and hard to get and a little mysterious.  Wouldn't hurt for him to see you flirting with other guys and/or dating.  None of these are guarantees, however.    

Men who say they don't want to marry usually just haven't found "the one" yet.  I will say again that I know how it feels, when you love someone and want to marry them, and the feelings are not returned.  I will add though, that when this happens, it means there is someone better out there for you and it's not a good idea to get more invested emotionally in someone who isn't returning it.  "Getting him" would become your goal instead of enjoying each other and that will drive someone away.  

I wish I had a magic wand dear friend.  Know that it's something about HIM, not you, hold your head high and enjoy your life.  If not him, then someone else some day who will one day make him just a blip on the radar screen.  (and - wink wink - some day he will say -- "Boy, I really blew that one.  She was one fantastic woman."  But you will have found someone who reciprocates your affections, and you will just smile.  :-)

Good luck!
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc