Expert: Azure - 7/2/2006

Question
Thank you so very much for giving me a reality check. Ok, this may be a problem. I'm trolling for younger men (35-45) and lots of them seem to want a 50 year-old-woman.  But all I find are I'm meeting men who are self-involved, self-centered in the extreme.  The men I meet in their 50's seem tired, inflexible, rigid and set in their ways.  It's like dating my father, which never much appealed to me.  And let's face it......better bodies, sex, is part of it.  I don't want to get married again, I just want a decent guy to love me. Do I have to settle for some balding guy hauling six suitcases full of baggage around?  Who can't imagine doing anything but playing bridge every Saturday night because that's what he's been doing for 15 years? No, I don't play bridge or have any interest in learning. Obviously I do need some direction because the path I'm treading is going nowhere.
Anne    
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Followup To

Question -
I am a 50 year-old-woman, divorced and I've had several long term relationships. I'm very pretty, nice figure, vivacious, have friends and own a small business.  I look ten years younger than I am.  Live in New York and I'm so burned out on Yahoo, Match and Craig's List. After being lied to and meeting too many screwed up men I'm starting to dislike men!

Is there any alternative to this?   Where do I find the fortitude to keep doing this?  Is it better just to give it up entirely?

Answer -
part of it is a matter of perception; you say you've had "several long term relationshps"--when we're 85, that's what many of us will say, as ultimately, they ALL begin and end; you're just in a period where there's no significant other at present; are many of them jerks?..no doubt, and your cynicism is understandable; but, as the animal trainer says, it's never the animal's fault; that means, instead of attributing the issues to THEM, keep that power for yourself; obviously you're much wiser now, and have fined tuned what your requirements are for a relationship; if you stay patient, positive, prepared, good things happen, and you're okay if they don't; so that leads to the final 2 biggies, evaluating your plusses/minuses, and making adjustments to upgrade your "marketability", then figuring out how to go about it...what you REALLY need is a dating coach...ask if interested..

Answer
try not to get too hung up on the age number, and generalities--there's exceptions, pros/cons, to all cases; if i were you i'd stay essentially in the 40-60 range, and assess INDIVIDUALS; you probably know all the ways to meet guys that i could suggest; keep in mind, the "hunt" doesn't have to be the focal point of your time on the planet;  beyond the grand advice i already gave, what else would you like to know?