Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 8/19/2007

Question
QUESTION: hi dennis, my name is rob  and im 17 i like a girl named lisa but she says shes not ready for a serious relationship right now and wants to be by herself for a while so im respecting that and just bein her friend right now..but im wanting to really enjoy my youth as much as i can and i dont want anything serious with anyone but her so i guess my question is how could i have just a bunch of 1 night stands with really hot girls for fun is there a way to go about it could you tell me where to find these girls and how to go about making it happen. thanks for you help take care

ANSWER: Hello Rob!

First of all, I have no idea why you're "waiting around" for her, "respecting her" and "being her friend". What you're really doing is proving to her that you're not in charge here and that she dodged a bullet by not going out with you. Do me a favor: go to my website (http://beingaman.com) and click on "BAM TV" and watch the short video on "Friends". Then, click on "Self Help" and read my FAQ's. You need some new perspective here.

As far as ONS (One-Night Stands) are concerned, yes, you can get them, but be aware, it takes some real game to make them happen. You need some real study behind you and I recommend that you look at my "Hunting Seminar on DVD" or read "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" (both books) where I talk about how all of this is done.

Let me give you some of the basics, but trust me, this isn't going to get you very far - there really are a TON of things you need to know to close ONS's.

First, you have to pick a place where there are MANY targets. That usually means a bar or club. The problem here is that you instantly increase your competition too. The vast majority of these places are usually 2 guys for every girl. That means, you're competing with each of them for every target you approach.

You need to learn how to build your own personal image that not only fits you but makes you larger than life. Your confidence, directness, being slightly cocky without being a jackass, your "look", the way you move - all of these things either move your game forward, or hold you back. You need to get that pefected.

Next, women in these places go there specifically to be approached by guys. THEY are there to prevent you from getting what you want and will even work together! For instance, you might meet one girl that wants to go home with you and do absolutely everything right with her. Then, her buddy will be there to prevent it (I call her the "Game Buster" or "GB"). There are many other GB's there too - in fact, every other guy (sometimes even your own buddies) will try to bust your game. You need to learn how to shut down GB's if you want to be successful in these places.

You need to learn how to approach. This is far more than just walking up to some girl and saying "Hey, you want to go home with me?" You're going to waste your time with that. Likewise, using some dumb pick up line is going to get you shot down too! You need CONTEXT in order to approach a girl and you need to learn how to deliver that context quickly and specifically in a way that speaks to her - not generically. That comes off again as a line.

Next, since most girls are in packs (not alone) you're going to need to learn how to approach the group - not just the single girl. She's not going to just blow off her friends for your approach. Thus, you need to learn to engage the entire group and use them to build up your credibility with your target. Once you get their buy-in, you can begin to work on your target.

If you're going to work with one or more wingmen, you need to learn the rules of how to work together. Yes, there ARE specific rules of how wingmen work together. They can be a real asset, or, if they don't know what they're doing, they can totally destroy your game in one sentence - and theirs right along with it.

Next, you need to learn how to quickly build rapport and connection. If a girl sees you as any form of threat (like you're just there to bang her and bolt) she's going to shut you down in a heartbeat. You use communication skills to build her interest and make her feel connected to you. Through this, you begin to build a sexual connection and then turn that into a physical reaction.

You need to learn how to do "time compression and distortion". This is where she feels that she's had 2 or 3 or 4 "dates" with you in the span of less than an hour. During that time, she's getting past her own natural apprehension and focusing more on how she sees herself with you - how you two "look" together. There's a very specific set of tools just to do this.

You next need to learn the proper ways to "close" (move things forward to sex). This begins from the very moment you make contact with the girl and continues right through the instant you walk out her door. There are many different steps here and missing any one of them will get you shut down - without a chance for a second date.

You will need to learn how to deal with all sorts of issues along the way such as how to make her feel that the ONS is HER idea and what SHE needs. You will need to learn how to deal with "Last Minute Resistence" ("LMR") and how to know when to push and when to pull back. You will need to learn how to get her to kiss you (rather than kissing her), how to get her to touch you, how to take her natural feminine beliefs and fit into them, etc.

Rob, as you can see, there's a TON of things you need to learn to be successful with ONS's. The good news is that you CAN learn these things. The bad news is that I can't teach you them in one -or 100 messages, but then, I don't have to. I've already put these things in a series of DVD's you can get from my website.

Get to studying my brother - there are tons of great women out there waiting for you!

Best regards…

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thanks alot dennis, i gotta say you definitely know your stuff and your answers definitely help.as far the lisa girl goes dennis what should i do is the im not ready for a relationship im happy with us being friends is that an excuse and why wouldnt wannna be with me??youll get a kick over this story dennis a girl that knew me and lisa were friends walked up to her one day and asked her for my number and the conversation went straight to if we ever dated it would be over time that she doesnt want anyone right now shes also said that we fight to much to be together right now and when i dont text her for a few days she texts me and asks why i havent been texting her whats going on with this dennis do you think that me and this girl have a chance of bein together one day or not what should i do because being ''friends'' isnt good enough anymore. thanks your the man

Answer
Hello again Rob!

You're very welcome - I'm glad it helped.

Actually, yes, I think it's an excuse. You're happy right now with being her friends simply because you're afraid of losing her entirely. You want to hope that she'll eventually come to her senses and will change her mind and that you'll have something more with her.

Sorry--not going to happen.

As far as why she doesn't want what you want, it's actually pretty simple - you haven't shown her any social proof as to why you'd be a good partner. Becoming her friend is proof that you WOULDN'T be a good partner.

Women know this game very well and see it exactly for what it's worth; which is why they play it with you. She knows that you're not going to argue with her so she can keep you at bay - and right where she wants you - with it. Instead, a guy that comes along and tells her "no" without fear of losing her is one that going to get her attention.

All of this stuff with the friend and her texting you, etc., is part of this game. She doesn't want to lose your friendship because it means that she might no longer "own" and control you. She'll act just like a jealous lover, but in fact, the game is all about keeping your attention for her own ego - and your demise.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"