Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/28/2008

Question
I am in the rotary club and i often socialize. I meet a lot of girls and I want to be the ladies man. i also have the guts to speak up. but this thing has happened to me more than 5 times (every time I tried). When I go and say hi they just pretend they didnt hear me and ignore me. i really get pissed off when that happens. I dont know why they do it. if its one or two i can say they are bitchy and rude but when all the girls do that i dont know what to do. please tell me what to do get every girls attention and get it going. And tell me what my mistakes are and what i should avoid next time. Maybe they think i'm a joke. they think i'm funny how do i change it.

Answer
Hello Eddie!

It's very likely that you've gotten the reputation of being a ladies man. I know Rotary very well as I've been involved with civic and business organizations like this all my life. The dynamic about these groups is business - not personal. That doesn't mean that a ton of personal doesn't happen however!

They key is to approach for business or club reasons first. If you approach as though you're at a single's bar, you're going to get shut down.

Further, you've got to learn to project your voice. This is very important key at these sorts of networking clubs for the very reason that this is the "front" you present.

Here's how you learn to project your voice:

While seated, lean slightly forward, tense your stomach muscles and grunt. Notice how your stomach tightens even more? That's your diaphragm. It's the key to voice projection. Next, stand up and grunt hard. You'll feel that muscle tighten up again.

Now, try saying "hello" with that same tightened stomach. You'll notice something very important - it projects ("pops") in a certain way. This is the voice you want to use whenever you introduce yourself. It's ok for it to be slightly loud when you approach someone. The reason for this is that you don't want to give that person the excuse to have not heard you! That makes THEM look like assholes - not you!

If you approach some woman and weakly (without projection) say "hi", she's going to ignore you simply because you seem to be ASKING to be ignored! Actually, this is something of a natural human response!

So:
1) Get your voice in check. Practice it before going to the club meeting.
2) Always have your hand in front of them when you say hello. This makes them have to shake it and acknowledge you.
3) When you open say, "Hi, I'm Eddie." This makes them give you their name in reply.
4) Approach first to network for business (by asking her what she does, what company she's with or some other business or club context.)
5) Be sure to get her business card - free digits!

Then, take your social OUTSIDE the club. Don't try to close for dates there. That's not why any of you part of the group. The only exception to this is if you get HUGE buying signals. More than once, I've suggested that me and some woman I just meet blow off the club and go have a drink somewhere!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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