Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/29/2008

Question
Hi my name is John and I'm 20 years old (21 in 2 months). I am completely crushing on this girl I used to go to High school with and I found her on Facebook a week or so ago and I've been talking to her. Problem is she has a boyfriend. She doesn't know me very well and I don't know her very well, but I would like to. What's the best way to go about this and to maybe win her heart? I know it's evil to try and take somebody's girlfriend but I mean there's nothing wrong with it if she happens to like me, right? Even though it may take time to let her find out about me. I need a way to get close to her and win her heart. I had my first strikeout just yesterday I had told her a week in advance that me and a friend wanted to go up to Oklahoma(where she goes to school) and take tour of the campus. She had no problems with this. I told her yesterday that my friend couldn't make it which he really couldn't but that I could just come up there and she could give just me a tour. She said she didn't feel comfortable with me driving all the way up there for her to give me a tour of a school that I'm not even interested in which is true, so she's not going to let me in that easily apparently, but she did say that she would give me a call the next time she came back home (where I currently live). I think you're getting the drift on what I'm attempting to do, and I need some help. Thanks.

Answer
Hello John!

There's nothing wrong with it as long as this guy isn't a buddy of yours. Here's the reality: the dating world is all about "survival of the fittest". Everyone meets someone they date somewhere and under different circumstances. Some have boyfriends/girlfriends and some are single. Some are even married. Everybody's situation is different. Who are you to say that you're not a better match for her than her boyfriend? Frankly, that's for her to decide. All you need to do is give her the facts and let her make up her own mind. There's nothing "evil" about this at all.

For these reasons, I constantly tell guys that boyfriends are never an issue. You can't always steal a girl away, but many times you can. The trick is keeping the girl afterward - not getting her in the first place.

With all that said, you have a serious problem here. This girl is obviously miles away! Long-distance situations NEVER work out! Even worse, the person you think you're getting to know isn't who you think she is in the first place. Stop reading right now and before you go on, go to my website (http://beingaman.com) and watch the video on "LDR's" under BAM TV. Go ahead, I'll wait.....

Ok, did you watch it? Now you understand why this is such a terrible idea. For now, all you really have is her coming home and that's possibly where you can make a move. The problem is that she's not staying. She'll be going back and you're right back where you started.

John, do yourself a favor and let this go for now. There are incredible girls right there in your own backyard that you CAN have a real relationship with. That's where I want you to focus your energies, not on someone that will go back home and forget you while she tries to reconcile with her boyfriend. Then, you're right back where you left off.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"