Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/23/2008

Question
Hello Dennis,

I met a girl four years back in chat, and I changed from being just a chat friend to her best friend for her, between this span. Even she had been in a love relationships, she used to be very close and frank with me, I never had a problem. But after her breakup she started searching for a new guy, few days back she got a guy whom she started liking. But now I am having a feeling of jelousy and in security of losing her, she knows that I love her as a best friend but not in that Love sense.

Irony is we had physical relationship few months back but didn't end with complete sex. That time I was in a relationship with other girl, but couldn't dare to leave my girlfriend for best friend, which I regret today. Now I realized I always loved my best friend in all senses. But don't know how to make her understand that I also can be her boyfriend. We have excellent understanding and warmth in our friendship. I fear of losing her if I start acting like her boyfriend. Please suggest!

Answer
Hello JoyD!

You're going to have to make a choice here. Do you want a girlfriend or just a buddy? You can't have both. If you make a move on her to become your girlfriend, you're going to lose the friendship. There's no other way around this so if you're absolutely convinced you don't want to lose her friendship, you're just going to have to deal with your own emotions and never let her know.

On the other hand, if you're willing to lose the friendship to have something more then do this:

Call her up and set up a real date with her. You don't have to tell her this is what you're doing but be sure to be clear and specific on meeting with her. I also suggest you pick her up rather than just meeting somewhere.

The instant you see her, use my (patent pending) "opening kiss" routine. This is where you walk right up to her without saying a word, stand close to her and carefully take her by the shoulders, pull her slightly off-balance toward you and plant a sexy, dry kiss softly on her lips. Let it linger just a little too long. Then set her up-right again and say "hi" and act like nothing happened.

You're going to really throw her off-balance here which is exactly what you want.

Then, during the date, hold her hand, touch her laugh and have fun.

All of these things are going to make her remember the physical attraction she and you had at one time and give you a chance to rebuild all of that.

Now, this is the most important thing: you've got to stop treating her like a friend and START treating her like a girlfriend. You're going to have to start dating her just like you would any other girl.

You also need to hit my website (http://beingaman.com) and read my FAQ's (under "Self Help") about "friends". You should also watch the video under BAM TV.

You've got an uphill battle on your hands if you really want more than just a friendship with this girl.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"