Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/25/2008

Question
QUESTION: I FELL FOR A CO-WORKER,OLDER,WITH CHILDREN.I SHOWED HER LADIES INTERESTED IN ME,LET HER HEAR CONVERSATIONS BETWEEN US IN PHONE.I TOUCHED HER CHEEKS ,HAIR OCCASIONALY WITHOUT INHIBITIONS FROM HER,RATHAR WITH GENUINE FEELINGS. SHE SUDDENLY FLIRTED OTHER GUYS MAKING ME JEALOUS.IBEHAVED NEEDY.SHE GRADUALLY BECAME DISTANT 2 ME.THAT DID HURT ME,SO I MOVED AWAY AS I DID NOT WANT TO BE HURT EVEN MORE,2 A DIFFERENT BUILDING,DID NOT CONTACT HER.HER BEHAVIOUR SEEMED SHE WAS STILL  INTERESTED.BUT FEAR OF REJECTION MADE ME DO THINGS THAT SEEMED DISINTERESTED, JEALOUS ,ALTHOUGH FROM DEEP INSIDE I RESPECT HER VERY MUCH.IT IS THREE YEARS SINCE I HAVE NOT TALKED 2 HER.SHE DATED OTHER GUYS.SO DID I,AND STILL THERE ARE ENOUGH LADIES INTERESTED IN ME,MORE BEAUTIFUL,WITH GOOD PERSONALITY, BUT I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH HER .I FIND IT DIFFICULT 2 SHOW MY FEELINGS FOR FEAR OF REJECTION.CAN U HELP ME REGAIN HER PLEASE.

ANSWER: Hello Tony!

So, you play her, she plays you and you're confused? What part of all this game playing is confusing you???

If you want games, then play them with other people. If you want honesty and openness, then do that instead. You really get what you give.

Go talk to her and be honest this time. It's going to hurt because you've already done all these other dumb things, but that's the path you've set for yourself.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: please explain the dumb things,the path i have set for myself,a way to a cure.i feel i was honest while i was allowing her to know the women interested in me because I was testing those women without myself being interested.though seems awkward,that was the case,plz. help.

ANSWER: Hello again Tony!

The dumb things:

She flirted with someone else and you got jealous.
You pulled back when you should have moved forward.
You continue to test women without any foundation to do so.
You've waited far, far too long to fix this (3 years???)
You think that showing your feelings is the answer (it's not)
etc.

Your path:

You seem insecure and cowardly to her.
Instead of doing something to solve this, you've waited around doing nothing.
You're focusing on rejection rather than having what you want.
You're reacting to that fear rather than using action to go get what you want.
You sit there pining away for her rather than doing something about all of this and getting it over one way or another.
"Dating" other women while you're still emotionally tied to this woman.

The cure:

Man up already!
Decide clearly and specifically what you want.
Go tell her what you want (a date?)
Don't ask her - TELL HER.
Accept the results of the problems you've created for yourself by sitting around doing nothing.
Accept the outcome - whatever it is and if it's not favorable, move on.

Simon, just think of all the great women (and relationships!) you could have had over the last 3 years waiting for something to happen here. It's a total waste!

Clean this up one way or another and move forward. You're still stuck in the world you created 3 years ago!


Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thank you so much.I already have tried to change myself as a person(physical and psychological grooming)and think will be doing well.It is just to give a feed back,bcoz my heart likes unconditional help.
do you see any hope if I try?any way to test it ?May God Bless You and All.Thanks again.

Answer
Hey Tony!

There's always a chance, but that doesn't necessarily make it a reasonable chance. Your real chance was 3 years ago and that has continued to dwindle away as the months past.

That's exactly why I'm telling you to shit or get off the pot here. Either you need to find out if something could happen - and accept the outcome whatever it is - or give up and move on.

Tony, you're not a tree stuck in the same position for the rest of your life unless you anchor yourself. Get some movement somewhere!

With so many incredible women out there to waste 3 years of your life hoping for this one is bordering on bonkers!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"