Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/14/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hello Doctor Neder, I would like to thank you in advance for answering my question to the best of your abilities as I am sure you will. My name is David I am a 18 year old High School Senior. I have a teacher that is 24 years old. She is everything anyone could ever ask for, she is more gorgeous then words can say, she is smart, funny, and very easy going. Now I do not want you to think this is just a horny teenage fantasy because it is nothing like that. I could see myself growing old with her.Now I am not saying that anything would happen now because I know that it is frowned apon in society considering our professional relationship. However would it be out of the question in maybe a year or two after I graduate to move in? Could this in anyway be possibly seen as creepy? Is all of this out of the question entirely? I really need to know Doc, I need to know if maybe there is a chance, because if there is the slightest chance I will go for it. I just can't help but to think that if I felt this strongly about someone, there must be some higher power of fate or destiny at work. Maybe I am wrong, maybe it is all just a distant dream that I have no chance of getting my hand around. If you could get back to me soon I understand you are probably very busy and might not even check this for I do not know how recent this web page was opened I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks again,
David

ANSWER: Hello David!

I'm always deeply concerned with any guy goes for "...even the slightest chance..." because your mind has a way of only hearing the "chance" part.

No, there's no REAL chance of this. You need to open your eyes and see all the things in your way. You are likely to believe that since there's a chance that it's worth it. David, it's not. Trust me.

Relationships are complicated things to begin with - even when you don't have all the barriers in your way. What I'd hate to see happen is that you put your life on hold waiting for two years, spend another two years after that trying to get this woman, (which you won't) then you spend the next 2 years following that hurting and not moving on. That's 6 years (1/3 of your current age) getting absolutely nowhere.

David, I see this more often than I want to tell you. The likelihood of anything happening between you and this teacher are so remote that it's a sucker's bet at best (likely far worse than that!) Sure, you want it so badly you can taste it, but the reality is that wanting something this much doesn't make it any more likely of you having it.

During those 6 wasted years, don't you think you could find someone that is even better than her that you DO have a chance with? You bet you could, but not if you're pining away hoping for something with her.

Even more important, here you are right at the age you should be building all of these critical relationship, dating and sex skills and you're actually thinking of putting your education on hold while hoping for something more with the teacher. Everyone else is out there building these skills. When you finally do re-enter the dating market, your going to have stunted your own growth and will be jaded on top of it.

Please don't do this to yourself. You're so enamored with this woman that you can't see straight. I'm here to help you cut through that fog and get you going on the right path. Break the habit of the teacher in your own mind. If you need some help doing this, go to my website (http://beingaman.com) and click on "Self Help". From there select "Miscellaneous Articles" and study and apply the message from the "34c Deprogramming Miracle Cure".

Solve this addiction so you can get what you really want - and need. She ain't it.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dr.
I would like to thank you for your quick reply. I think however I was not as clear as I should have been in my letter. I would not waste my time from now till the day it is socially excepted to ask the said person on a date, however quite the opposite, I would search and date more to see if there are other likely canidates as I have also done with past relationships. I am a very easy going guy and dating is what I do, however once I do see a relationship going no place I tend to break it off. Therefore my question was only a question nothing else. It was not asking for some phycic reading or a "chance" or "hope". I suppose my word choice was not as it should have been. I would very well like to see something go somewhere with this women regardless I am not nieve enough to think that not everything is meant to be and I have excepted that. I mearly was just wondering more of your opinion on her point of view on if it was just too weird for a teacher and a student to be in a relationship even if said relationship no longer exists. That is all and I do assure you if this doesn't work out like you say it will be nothing more then a bummer.

So with that I am done. I hope to hear back from you soon, if not that is fine once again I do realize the time needed in your line of work. Have a good day.

Answer
Hello again David!

Alright then. So ask her out, let her say "no" and move on.

Frankly, I'm still not convinced by your reply that you don't believe this could be more than it can be.

This is situation is what I call a "high-risk target". She has a lot to lose, you have no effective power, there's obviously no foundational attraction and you already have a non-sexual, non-romantic relationship. The bottom line is that everything here is working against you.

Further, you talk about "seeing yourself grow old with her" - that is a huge red flag because what you're not taking into account is the fact that you have absolutely no idea who she really is! Your only impression of her is in class where she's "on". Trust me, she's a totally and completely different person away from work. She's not the little angel you think she is.

With all this considered, you can either blow me off and go for it or take into account what I've told you. It's getting pretty obvious that you're leaning toward the former.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"