Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/26/2008

Question
My supposed "Best Friend" and I have been teasing, flirting, helping, etc.. each other for 4 years and everyone noticed that we like each other and that we're meant to be, we've admitted to each other in the past that we like each other but everytime I want to start dating her or moving forward from admitting she moves a step backwards as if admitting helped her feel less passionate about me. Recently she has been hinting me ALOT and showing me that shes ready so I was talking to her on the phone until about 3 a.m. and it was a maybe 2 hour conversation and the whole time she was hinting me and telling me the "expectations" of the guy she wants to marry which happened to have everything I do. Even physcial features. Anyways before I hung up I told her about how passionate I felt towards her and asked her if she felt the same, and she asked if it was okay to run away from the question and not answer, which confused me because she has been hinting me forever!! and even admitted it minorly in the past and everyone sees it. And now she claims that she doesnt feel the same way I do. Dr. Is she scared or am I being led on?

Answer
Hello Matt!

This woman is a total and complete Attention Whore ("AW"). These signals are loud-and-clear. She does everything she can to get you to chase her and when you call her on it she bolts.

Matt, she is using you as her own emotional tampon. She unloads all over you whenever she needs it, has you to entertain her and even knows exactly what you want. She plays to that like a professional and then takes it all away at the exact moment when she knows it'll do the most to you.

This "best friend" is no friend at all! In fact, she's toxic! Why in the hell have you invested 4 years into this idiot? What does that say about you?

Matt, here's what you need to do: Stop calling her, talking to her or seeing her. When she needs attention, she'll come running to you again and you can lay it on the line. Tell her, "Look, I'm tired of you using me for your own ego boost. You know exactly what I'm interested in and I've invested heavily in it. I'm not investing any more. In fact, until you're ready to meet me 100% of the way, I don't want to hear from or see you ever again. Are you clear?"

Then, hang up the damn phone and move on.

Just be aware that the AW is an EXPERT at manipulating you, your emotions, you desires, dreams and goals. She'll probably contact you again and throw you a few crumbs only to take them away again later. That's why you have to be absolutely clear on your resolve to either get what you want (and I'm not talking about a peck on the cheek here) or to walk. It's all or nothing.

If/when she contacts you again, you lay it on the line that she is either your girlfriend - in every way shape or form or she's your enemy. Right now, she's your enemy for using you like this.

Now, wise up and stop BEING used by this douchbag! Matt, get your balls back from her purse and go get what you deserve - don't settle for the little crumbs she hand-feeds you! Until you start acting like a man, she's never going to see you as one.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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